Thursday, November 24, 2011

Why this kolaveri on mee?

Sigh..sigh..what's with all these weirdos around me..bloody fools..condescending looks all the bloody time as if i am from an alien did you survive then? ada asamandhamgala, how many times to tell..i dont know i dont know..still the same question every alternate day - hindi nahi jaante? And all the people around laugh till they get blisters on their stomach..

(Reminds me of bloody hindi movies where the villain mocks the chained hero for not knowing his mom's name..Goons all around are paid to laugh at this pathetic joke, in return all they get is a biriyani packet for lunch for their oscar winning performaces..bloody asols..atleast our movies have long come out of this foolish syndrome and are investing their time in trying to make a 50 year old rajni date a 20 yr old deepika with elan and charisma..learn from us)

Having had enough of being the laughing stock, practised in front of mirror thrice, kept an alarm at 3 in the morning to see if i remember twice, also in the loo once, with great difficulty memorized hindi nahi aathi (puked the first few times it came out of my mouth, still perseverance thambi perseverance)..

Determined to use it the next time anyone laughs at me, i went in front of the biggest gang and stood right in the middle..Made sure there were hot gals in there, so the moment i give him the reply he will be so embarassed that he will have nowhere to go except leave the college and hide in his house loo for the next 3 years..Ofcourse the girls will also be so smartly impressed with quick wit, that i will be surrounded by a lot of them running after me like in Axe advert..I was mentally prepared for that, used all variants of Axe..(in over enthusiasm had used a little bit of Baygon as well)

Hindi nahi aati - I said aloud and was mentally preparing myself for the rush of gals (hugs..kissess...oh oh enuf for the day)..How are you telling this in hindi then??? (phatt..phatt..bloody govind was the one..i know it was him oly..bloody south indian who knows hindi due to the event of living in bangalore..sure he would have been handling US calls in fake english accent before he came here, do people in that city do anything else?..Oly south indians are against south indians, shameless people..)

Just about the time when my ears started warming up to the continuous laughter, I held my hand against my head and fainted on to the ground..(Our movies have made me strong in coming up with this innovative means of escaping unescapable moments of shame shame puppy shame..Rememberred to pat myself on the back for being street smart once the drama is over)..

Haha the dumbos fell for this you see..took me to a doctor thinking I was seriously sick..While I was still acting unconscious, I mentally kept a note of who all are making fun, just to take revenge later by giving fake orders in their mess bill (they will suspect the mess people and an ensuing fight between north indians will ensure a field day for depressed souls like me suffering in their combined hegemony)..After a long time, the stupid doctor concluded I had food poisoning and charged 500 rs for that (Govind again joked that it would have been due to the acidic reactions of mixing chowmein and curd..again pearls of laughter..point double noted..) I faked innocence though regarding the payment of money the next day and fainted once more..haha they stopped asking money after that..(brains machi brains)

More on the travails and travesty of me in an hostile environment later..very hungry now..

(**brought my chowmein to my room where I can mix how much ever curd i want..Ambrosia!!!)

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