1million
videos, 2 million hashtags, 5 million likes in 1 day. Beat that! Facepalm to
all those first world countries who keep mocking at our population and
unemployment. India was making a mockery
of the bucket challenge. And being the company responsible for fund collection
in India, we could see our stock values being written its worth in gold.
“Mani,
what the hell are you doing? Where are the donations?”
“Sir,
but 1 million videos and counting. I thought we would be…” My manager was
howling at the other end. People were just bothered about the likes for their
FB videos; only 1 lakh an hour is trickling in.
“I
don’t care what you’re going to do. I need 100 crores from you.” The call hung
up at the other end. The whole world came crashing.
100
crores. I could see my holiday in Goa crumbling before my eyes. The plans I
made with Rhea. My incentive cheque. DAMN!!! I needed to make a plan.
Act 1:
I
flicked the Gandhi cap from a roadside rickshaw-walla and wore a sweater and
scarf albeit in the heat of 40 degree. That was the only way I could get
anywhere close to AK. I neatly rolled out my plan to him.
“Sir,
the whole country is going crazy over this. You can capture all the media
attention that you once had. Now, is the time, both RaGa and NaMo still don’t
know about it, and you will be the trendsetter again.” Arvind Kejriwal sat up
the moment I mentioned the word NaMo. He paced across the room in rapid pace
thinking about my proposal long and hard.
“Ok,
I will take up the challenge. But only on the condition that Ice and a Bucket
are made available for free to the Aam Aadmi.”
AK
was primly dressed with his customary dressing and the skull cap, and explained
an hour about how he had got corrupt free water from the free water that was
given during his government, his water tax receipts, and went on and on. His
nominations were an open challenge to NaMo, RaGa, and Mukesh Ambani. At the end
of an hour, I was sweating more than him.
But,
I was happy I finally uploaded the video.
“What
the hell have you done? Delete that video at once.” The moment that video went
live, the donations had dipped to 10 Rs an hour. The first hour from Arvind
Kejriwal, the second hour from Ashutosh, and by the third hour I had removed
the video before further damage.
Act 2:
“There
is no one watching the match these days. They have moved on to football and
tennis. There are rumours that Anushka Sharma has the PK poster as her display
picture. This is your only chance to impress her.” Virat immediately agreed on
the mention of Anushka. 100 crores from one video. What a masterstroke!!
I
was the unlucky one who had to do it, but if this was the only way I was going
to reach 100 crores, so be it. Virat stood before me ready for the challenge
and all he had was an even smaller transistor than Aamir Khan. “Saala Behen ki,
this will show him who the boss is”
After
hours of careful editing of numerous slip ups of Virat with the transistor, I
finally had a video fit for public viewing. Virat had nominated Anushka Sharma
and Aamir Khan for the challenge.
“Teri
Maa ki (Beep), Saala (Beep)…” I hung up the phone before he could complete.
With it, the plans of reaching close to my target. How was I responsible if
there were more views for Aamir Khan’s video than Virat’s. Doomed!
Act 3:
Last
throw of dice. There was no one else who could bail me out now.
“But,
all this is against our cultural values. Our government will not support the
influence of western ideas into our country.” I sat trying to convince him for
more than an hour now. But, Subramanian Swamy wouldn’t budge.
“Sir,
according to one version of the Ramayana, Sita’s swayamvar was not based on the
bow and arrow challenge. The Ice Bucket Challenge is actually the brainchild of
Ram and Laskhman.” I didn’t even have to complete the statement; he had already
made up his mind. He quickly made a call to his secretary to call for a press
conference.
“Sir,
the donations for the challenge.” I stood there gingerly as Subramanian Swamy
was making violent phone calls for his press conference.
“Haan,
Don’t worry, about that.” He picked up his phone to make a final call.
“Jaitely
saab, allocate 100 crores from the Budget for the Ram Sita Ice Bucket Ayodhya
Yojana.”
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