Sunday, January 13, 2013

Anushka Sharma vs. Puneeth Rajkumar

Ever since I wrote the last blog post my life has become a mess, a complete mess..Nowadays people don't need a reason to laugh at me, friends get high and put a conf call at 3 in the morning and ask me whether I am in Sales still and non-stop laugh for 2 hours..Bloody have I become such a big laughing stock like Sachin? Just because he has stopped entertaining them, it's me huh??Damn Chutiyas all of them..

If my next door kid doesn't eat, his mom threatens her saying "If you don't eat, you will become like that salesman uncle"..His 5 yr old sister runs away everytime on seeing me..How many times to tell her I am not from Delhi? Po dee Po you will only get only a HR job in future..

My mom who is probably my only source of strength in tough times, said she exactly understand what I was going through in my life and empathized with me..The next day she sends me 5 lungis as birthday gift, and that too those checked mallu type lungis..I mean Lungis just because I am a salesman? The only other place I  have seen those lungis was a stupid mallu college dance ..."Ohhh Sexyy Chechi.." Ente mone!!! Just because Shakila Chechi is from Kerala I din't personally go to kill each one of them..

Fed up of life..Totally..It doesn't happen with my friends in Consulting, IT, or HR (went to the loo puked twice) but only for me salesmen..Ajj if you all are doing proper MBA kinda jobs and I am doing a PUC job..If only I expose you all and what you people do, you'will realize how much deep shit you guys are all in..

In fact, let me do that only..Once for all, do a naked expose of you all..Weak-hearted people can close the page at this point or read ahead at you own risk..


The biggest Chutiyas of the lot, definitely without doubt..If only you ask them where they work, with a touch of arrogance and achievement you get the response "Consulting Firm"..Firm it seems, othaaa..Basically, my job requires an in-depth analysis of the procurement of high-class manure from domesticated animals and executing a cost-benefit analysis of in-house development vs outsourcing the needs from a strategic long term objective of meeting the target expectations of 20% ROI in 5 years for a foreign firm.."That word firm only pisses me off..

That project would be for some Kenyan company who requires some cheap ass cow dung from India..For this these buggers will prepare 150 slide presentation with the recommendation - 'Cow dung is green in colour, so its a natural product"..Do you people know that your client will never read that report or you make the report knowing that only?

Why do you need to wear suits for this you tell me? And inside that Red colour Rupa Frontline Banian..Aiyoo Aiyoo..Enda little bit class also you people don't know aah da?

There is a line where truth ends and your insulting begins..


Fellow brothers are the most humble of the entire lot..In fact, you don't even need to provoke them, just ask them about their jobs and you will be sponsored 7 RC large, 2 Antiquity Blue and 1 BP..If only you can listen to their stories about how they had a manage 5 emails at the same time, talk to an on-site client at 8 in the morning, and how he is one of the 1000 critical resources for the project..Young talented Rahane kind of people constantly waiting for some 35 yr old's to retire..And those people in their companies are not even like Sachin who retires when the time is right, plus or plus 5 years..

Although the general chutiya ratings of these people are lower than other jobs, there is a small clan of people in IT who calls themselves as IT consultants, thereby increasing their CC (Chutiya Count) to a higher side..The moment people tries to use consultancy to their roles, their CC automatically goes up and when they call themselves working in a firm it goes to a higher pitch than our Yo Yo Singhhu...

If not for a minority set of IT consultants, this clan has wonderfully grounded set of people, that they travel only Kingfisher..They also acknowledge the fact that SHIT happens..I'm Sorry..IT happens..


Contrary to what people might think, HR is one of the most important set of people..(Computer hangs up for 2 hours, infected with unobjectionable content which was entered) I mean the other day, when my fan wasn't working, they set it right, They announce all the festivals in different innovative colors, pass on lunch coupons to employees, arrange hotel/travel arrangements, organize new unheard of games like Dumb-C on Fun Fridays..Sometimes they also have blinking letters in mails, which I feel is a wonderful way to break out of the clutter of emails..

To think that a function has such cross-functional requirements and requires such diverse skill-sets, and to excel at it is beyond me..Respect Plain Respect..(Not for the bloody guys who spoil the sanctity of that skill sets that role demands..I can understand girls have that dumbness in them, but why you da??)

Now only happy..Sigh..Take it bloody all for all the laughing..Run and hide your face, but where will you guys go..If my sales brethern are given a massage by Anushka Sharma in a third rate village, you get served porridge spoon fed by Puneeth Rajkumar in a five star hotel..Haha take that on your face..

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