Tuesday, April 10, 2012

My Salute to the Greatest Man I've Ever Known

If you've been abreast of the happenings around the college over the last one month, as I have been keenly following then you might have noticed the crippling issue we all had to deal with. Yes, friends, I am referring to this issue of students passing out year after year and the insurmountable burden which it puts on fellow students (friends, haters, seniors, juniors included). It looks like just two years before I entered this college and alas, here I am, out of it, and so are all of my friends. This happened in my engineering days too, except for one dear soul who decided not to trouble others by not passing out..Bloody, everyone in this MBA is ambitious and want to pass put every year. This trend isn't going to change and the problem I am referring to has become the most important in a student's life (Now that India doesn't have any overseas tour for the next two years).

How do we keep on writing hundreds of words of exalted praise of so many of them when these goddamn bloody fellows decide to pass out all at the same time?

This is an exceptionally daunting task at the fag end of your college life, making you unsure of your degree and also the sleepless nights you will have at the end. What bloody good adjective should I use for the 5th goddamn guy when the entire vocabulary of adjectives I have learnt just has Ass, Bastard, Fucker, Bitch..And that too after spending reams of paper writing for one adjacent to your room, only to find the person across the room deleting what he has written for you.. Utter chaos and despair

Relax friends, This soul has done all the weightlifting for you and has come up with this masterpiece generic testimonial which sure can be used for all class of people irrespective of sex, weight, height, age and experience. All you have to do is insert the name and tweak it here and there by ctrl+X the first lines of a para and ctrl+V at the end of the para. For all practical purposes, I have used a fictional name which is as use and throw as it can get. I can assure that people are too boastful and unmindful to point out similar content for others, as long as they find a few good lines for them. Or for people like me, as long as they find a few lines for them at all.

Trust in me. This strategy is foolproof.

Guhareilya Ratharao Mishkhan: A Trure Legend

The first time I saw him, I knew that he had it in him all it takes to achieve greatness in college life. His scores were impressive, although he had got through the college seat by slipping in money through one father to an other, his academic record till standard X was excellent. He had topped the class in every single test that was ever held save for one where the test was cancelled due to a wet pitch. Ranked first in every single test when there was grade system in practice - No wonder his resume was shortlisted for every company.

Ratharao was an extremely focused chap in life and it was always his dream from childhood to become an MBA. So singular was his focus in life that all his life he had worked only towards what is required to get a MBA admission. Not all was rosy in his life, he met with numerous obstacles the kind of stuff any other person would have wilted on handling. His first failure came after class XII, when he was denied a seat to do medical, any other person would have got dejected but not Ratharoa, sat at home for a whole year simultaneously preparing for medical exams and CA. Day before the results were due, Ratharoa didn't give away to emotions and decided to pursue what he had dreamed for all his life - to become a MBA. So objective and focused was he even at this young age, that he didn't even check the results of both the exams, in which only a single candidate had failed in India.

First day of college and classes in college, he was up well before 7 o clock for the 9 a.m class. A highly devout and seriously religious person, Guhareliya had started his bhakthi sessions along with an old monk on the very first morning. Word soon got around about this extremely resourceful person and he never said no to anyone who came in for knowledge transfer. He never compromised on his sessions even for a single day, a rationalist that he is and a strong advocate of inter-religious harmony, he used to pray twice on fridays in line with traditions of two religions. I still remember the day when Guhareliya was down but was never out drew on his last powers of energy on a Good Friday, even a day of limping around didn't deter him from maintaining his regime. Life would never be the same again for people associated with Guhareliya.

By the time, he came into the second year, Mishkhan was primed for greatness in the management field. He knew everything about BC-MC matrix in marketing to movable/immovable assets in finance to pest analysis affecting grass/weed cultivation in strategy. What undid Mishkhan on his path to greatness in his first year is till hazy, but when he returned in the second year after he completed his summer break, his path to greatness was well on its way. Highlights of his activities in the second year included his single-handed negotiations in successfully bringing the CEOs of OM and KaluVariety stores, Pintu and Kalu Bhaina to head the 3 day pan-walmart conference held at an open field inside XIMB, heavily guarded by security 24 hrs a day with the assistance of the newly fitted camera. Folklore has it that Mishkhan managed this event on a shoestring budget, left at one point without enough funds to provide transportation for the chief guests ended up piggybacking the guests all the way to the conference arena. The event was a resounding success with hospitality sponsors - Sanjay Bhaina, media partners - XIMB Combined Notice board and Audio Sponsors -  Monty. The event witnessed a record attendance of 3 and a hundred students at the JLT which took place post the conference. No wonder the BC-MC song of the night was dedicated to Mishkhan.

All good things have to come to and end and unfortunately this legend Guhareilya Ratharao Mishkhan's time had also come. Whole college had come in for the convocation to witness this historic event of the passing out of this legend. The end was nigh, and Guhareilya Ratharao Mishkhan's name was called out to receive the degree. He went up on stage, grabbed the mike and announced to the world..

"When you are at the top, you should serve the college. When I feel I am not in a frame of mind to contribute tothe college, that's when I should retire not when somebody says. That's a selfish statement that one should retire on top.."

With these words, he walked away to a standing ovation, where not one person could hide their tears..

What a man...


  1. i love the cutting wit Mani :P - and so many ratharao's i know as well :P - as always - amazingly written !

  2. thanks a lot :) hw u doing? wer u put up?