Friday, January 28, 2011

Oh please come back my...!!!

There's always this something in life which keeps telling you Oh good god!!! It's not complete..Something that makes your mind keep craving for more and an unsatiated desire always exists which just doesn't let you enjoy what you have..Strange feeling it is, cos the thing which you are searching for is like a mirage on a highway road, the closer you go to it, the farther it goes from you.. Life just goes on this unworthy bull-run towards your supposed dream, the mind gets you into that eternal chase towards the spotless road to glory that you become oblivious of the fact that the dream destination is the present continuous verb you are living through!!! I din't understand during my then present continuous times, but I did when I met her again turning nostalgic of my past with her. Ironically she again din't let me enjoy the present with her again, giving me a yearning deja-vu of the past and leaving me with uncertain pangs of  fear as to when I'm going to be with her again!!!

By no means it was love at first sight, I met her very early in life at an age where I would have thought love is a word that rhymes with a street dog's bow. Earliest memories of my schooling brings back all my running late to catch my bus, and by the time I board on it, she has seen it all - my unpressed yesterday's shirt now soaking wet and mistakenly worn one black and one white shoe on either foot. Heaving a sigh of relief after getting into the bus, left out a deep breath out of which accompanied a slimy, viscous, yellowy liquid carefully manhadled it under the seat only to find yesterday's undried stuff, and carefully hugging the guy next to me with open arms after that..She saw it all but never told me anything, bloody who cares, I was least bothered about her. I grew up well so to say, atleast in the eyes of my parents, with them unknowing of my bunking of the school to slip in a little bit of alcohol and catch a seat in the front row of the most pathetic of Thala movies. Till we darted back to our seats after dancing to the songs, or be it our ruckus in the theater until everyone passes snide remarks about our upbringing, she has heard it and seen it all. Never for once has she held me back, but provided me as many ways as possible to explore myself. Still vividly remember when I had gotten into a tussle with a random auto guy to voice out a few good words which will cause defame not only to himself but to his entire lineage ranging from the apes which he evolved from, she stood there and watched as if I had given an oration after receiving the Nobel prize..Although you threw at me a lot of class, I found my solace on the streets - a bite of the sandwich from the shop which locates itself at a place where dust and fist rule the roost, labouring along to the corner tea shop outside the CCD to complete our seven course meal. You have seen it all my dear girl, you saw me the way I grew up with you. But, it didn't matter a bit, honestly I dint give a damn about you, I just wanted to break free from you having heard the hundreds of lovely things about people outside, i have had enough of you, I seriously did!!!

My chase wasn't futile, I saw you an incorrigible idiot, a duffer lagging behind others by light years, I din't take me long to find out how incompetent you were in satisfying my quest. You were just not there - people outside were playing T20 cricket, you are still playing timeless tests..people outside were talking of the parties after that, you are still lamenting about your paati's glory..I had my calling elsewhere, and I knew it wasn't with you..Life was a paradise until I happened to meet you again!!!

You bloody bitch, how dare you do this to me??? What's the need for you to ape those goddamn women outside?? Oh you beauty, the wonderful way you were, please give me the same charm.. I flirted around with people unknowing of what I had missed until I got back to you now, pray you be the same.. It was in vain, among the hundred things that have changed in you, my mind yearned for the same old things in you - My eyes searching in earnest for the same tea shop you have always found me and not among the hundred new CCDs which you have got yourself accustomed to, walked myself into near suicide with a van to relive the same expletives which I had seen me shell out, you have even robbed me of my sandwich you witchy bitch!!!

I couldn't help myself to anything less than a deep sob, I just couldn't move on as the people outside so casually preach..I might have been away from you, but never could they take you away from me..And now when I realize, you aint the same anymore..For my own sadistic pleasures, pray give me back the gutter and the garbage I had seen all around you..I had not told you this before, I really should have for I really do love you!!!I really do love you my sweet Chennai!!!

(un kuthamaa..en kuthamaa..yaara naanum kutham solla..fades away into the background as I get down from the car to catch my flight...)

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