My Salute to the Greatest Man I've Ever Known

If you've been abreast of the happenings around the college over the last one month, as I have been keenly following then you might have noticed the crippling issue we all had to deal with. Yes, friends, I am referring to this issue of students passing out year after year and the insurmountable burden which it puts on fellow students (friends, haters, seniors, juniors included). It looks like just two years before I entered this college and alas, here I am, out of it, and so are all of my friends. This happened in my engineering days too, except for one dear soul who decided not to trouble others by not passing out..Bloody, everyone in this MBA is ambitious and want to pass put every year. This trend isn't going to change and the problem I am referring to has become the most important in a student's life (Now that India doesn't have any overseas tour for the next two years).

How do we keep on writing hundreds of words of exalted praise of so many of them when these goddamn bloody fellows decide to pass out all at the same time?

This is an exceptionally daunting task at the fag end of your college life, making you unsure of your degree and also the sleepless nights you will have at the end. What bloody good adjective should I use for the 5th goddamn guy when the entire vocabulary of adjectives I have learnt just has Ass, Bastard, Fucker, Bitch..And that too after spending reams of paper writing for one adjacent to your room, only to find the person across the room deleting what he has written for you.. Utter chaos and despair

Relax friends, This soul has done all the weightlifting for you and has come up with this masterpiece generic testimonial which sure can be used for all class of people irrespective of sex, weight, height, age and experience. All you have to do is insert the name and tweak it here and there by ctrl+X the first lines of a para and ctrl+V at the end of the para. For all practical purposes, I have used a fictional name which is as use and throw as it can get. I can assure that people are too boastful and unmindful to point out similar content for others, as long as they find a few good lines for them. Or for people like me, as long as they find a few lines for them at all.

Trust in me. This strategy is foolproof.

Guhareilya Ratharao Mishkhan: A Trure Legend

The first time I saw him, I knew that he had it in him all it takes to achieve greatness in college life. His scores were impressive, although he had got through the college seat by slipping in money through one father to an other, his academic record till standard X was excellent. He had topped the class in every single test that was ever held save for one where the test was cancelled due to a wet pitch. Ranked first in every single test when there was grade system in practice - No wonder his resume was shortlisted for every company.

Ratharao was an extremely focused chap in life and it was always his dream from childhood to become an MBA. So singular was his focus in life that all his life he had worked only towards what is required to get a MBA admission. Not all was rosy in his life, he met with numerous obstacles the kind of stuff any other person would have wilted on handling. His first failure came after class XII, when he was denied a seat to do medical, any other person would have got dejected but not Ratharoa, sat at home for a whole year simultaneously preparing for medical exams and CA. Day before the results were due, Ratharoa didn't give away to emotions and decided to pursue what he had dreamed for all his life - to become a MBA. So objective and focused was he even at this young age, that he didn't even check the results of both the exams, in which only a single candidate had failed in India.

First day of college and classes in college, he was up well before 7 o clock for the 9 a.m class. A highly devout and seriously religious person, Guhareliya had started his bhakthi sessions along with an old monk on the very first morning. Word soon got around about this extremely resourceful person and he never said no to anyone who came in for knowledge transfer. He never compromised on his sessions even for a single day, a rationalist that he is and a strong advocate of inter-religious harmony, he used to pray twice on fridays in line with traditions of two religions. I still remember the day when Guhareliya was down but was never out drew on his last powers of energy on a Good Friday, even a day of limping around didn't deter him from maintaining his regime. Life would never be the same again for people associated with Guhareliya.

By the time, he came into the second year, Mishkhan was primed for greatness in the management field. He knew everything about BC-MC matrix in marketing to movable/immovable assets in finance to pest analysis affecting grass/weed cultivation in strategy. What undid Mishkhan on his path to greatness in his first year is till hazy, but when he returned in the second year after he completed his summer break, his path to greatness was well on its way. Highlights of his activities in the second year included his single-handed negotiations in successfully bringing the CEOs of OM and KaluVariety stores, Pintu and Kalu Bhaina to head the 3 day pan-walmart conference held at an open field inside XIMB, heavily guarded by security 24 hrs a day with the assistance of the newly fitted camera. Folklore has it that Mishkhan managed this event on a shoestring budget, left at one point without enough funds to provide transportation for the chief guests ended up piggybacking the guests all the way to the conference arena. The event was a resounding success with hospitality sponsors - Sanjay Bhaina, media partners - XIMB Combined Notice board and Audio Sponsors -  Monty. The event witnessed a record attendance of 3 and a hundred students at the JLT which took place post the conference. No wonder the BC-MC song of the night was dedicated to Mishkhan.

All good things have to come to and end and unfortunately this legend Guhareilya Ratharao Mishkhan's time had also come. Whole college had come in for the convocation to witness this historic event of the passing out of this legend. The end was nigh, and Guhareilya Ratharao Mishkhan's name was called out to receive the degree. He went up on stage, grabbed the mike and announced to the world..

"When you are at the top, you should serve the college. When I feel I am not in a frame of mind to contribute tothe college, that's when I should retire not when somebody says. That's a selfish statement that one should retire on top.."

With these words, he walked away to a standing ovation, where not one person could hide their tears..

What a man...

Oh please, Will you stop this bullshit ?

The other day while watching one of the most nicely made movies I have seen, Taare Zameen Par, my eyes welling up even long after the movie was done, a question struck me. What made poor Ishaan transform himself from a dud in the span of less than a year? Whilst looking away all the cinematic considerations of the hero Aamir having to be the messiah, working long hours with the kid and eventually working magic through his care and affection taking a lot of screen space, there are a few minutes of reel space which I feel actually tell the true story of the kid. It starts off with varying success stories pointed out by Aamir, finally giving the kid the confidence to shy away from his losing mentality he was accustomed to, ends up making a model boat. What follows is like a piece of rainbow emerging out of a dark sky, the kid for the first time experiences stardom, an applause, an awe of look from people around him and in short - success. The movie leads up to an scintillating climax, where the stage gets bigger, the audience gets bigger, and the kid on winning experiences a success which got bigger.

Beats me so hard when I think of why success is often mocked at? and why is there a needless powershift glorifying failure as the best learning tool? Success helps you gain acceptance from people around you, there is no way your voice is going to be heard if you are an eternal failure. Like how it happened in the movie, Ishaan on his success was slowly accepted in his own circle. And there are these numerous confidence glorifying messages, but confidence leaves us with a classical chicken-egg scenario. Do you get success because of the confidence, or are you confident because of your success? Or the other allegation which is always leveled against Success - Success ain't that important you know. Ain't it an universal fact that everyone feels good about success more than a failure? Success is bloody god damn important at least for the simple fact that it makes you feel good, if not anything.

Well well, why then this success being made a less better teacher than failure? One reason I can think of is - this success is elusive and invariably everyone is going to experience more failures than success. So it does make sense for motivators to glorify these failures as learning lessons. Makes sense!!! And also there is this fear of the blinkered vision of people only looking at the end and not enjoying the wonderful journey. If in case, the end success is not met, one ends up cursing the entire path taken. A curse to watch out for, but definitely doesn't put a case stronger for having to glorify failure. Too much of this happening around out here!!!

Aren't we all hypocrites enough? When we all know that success is better than a damned failure, that success gives more joy than a doomed failure, why all this hypocritical failure praising? It's so damn similar to another hypocritical thought I keep hearing all around that money is not important for me. Oh!! Come on, you all know how much you require money to satiate your needs. There is just this too much of negative publicity for success/money alike. The question is are you scared of losing your way in quest for success/money or are you scared of handling success/money or do you just don't have it in you to go for success/money? Think deep and all our answers are the same, but our hypocritical mouth won't voice it out.

There is a lesson to be learnt in failure, no doubt, but there are much better lessons you get through an euphoria of your success. The quest won't be far if you can just break up your life to enjoy little moments of success, which can be aspired for. Don't go around doing this success bashing, be a pragmatist, we all know  the truth!!! Dhirubhai Ambani once aptly put it this way " I hear a lot of people saying money is not important, but I would like them to earn that much money to tell that it is not important.." Be a successful person before you can comment on failures, and to be one I feel we need to go around in search of Success - Be it small. It is after all this Success which will give you the confidence to face your numerous failures !!!

P.S: More the likes, more the shares will be my little success here :)

Around the world in 79!!!!!

Hello readers , its me again,
for a change it aint sorrow or pain !!!
I'm to marvel the world around me,
i dunno where to start ... A B or C...

As the sun greets the sand,
as the sea wakes up ,
as the wind steers the ship big and small ,
my imagination begins to crawl...

Thank you Lord im in Indian sand,
strife , yet a peaceful land!!
I wish to migrate to the chinese wee,
learn their crafts , savour thier tea!!

off i go to the island Japan,
wealth of a craft , shrunk in a pan !!!
not to mention the mount fiji,
i haven forgotten my pav baaji!!!

Aussie land and the koala bear ,
my dreams dontland me there !!!
but i guess i ll make t there ,
my dreams???, bah!! i really dont care

off to europe , the swedish alps,
the italian women , andthe french winee......
the english villa and the finnish siness!!!

sign off in America , the land of dreams,
BEER,BIRD, BIKES!!!!ah dreams!!!

I wish , these all were mine!!!
around the world,
before i turn 79!!!!

On Cloud Nine!!!

When the mind doesn’t listen what the heart says and when one loses physical control of himself accentuated by a boring professor that is when you get into a trance. Your eyes close off although you know it should not. Slowly, you go on to lose your senses intoxicated by your newfound ecstasy of sleep and transform into a fantasy world of an extensive blue palette and staccato of white patches. Phattt hits a chalk on your head and zooms you into the real life, the next moment you’re caned. Damn those clouds they are ruining my life.   

Clouds were a fantasy, a world which is surreal and which was a no-go. Often they were used as threatening objects. “Stay away from those rain-bearing clouds”, advises a mom to her kids. In other instances, the dark clouds used to stand for everything related to gloom and sadness in this world. Damn those clouds again!!!

Instances galore where clouds have also been the object of hatred and have been vilified to the hilt. Clouds ruin your nice walk in the morning, ruin your easy travel across the city, send water right in to your living room and destroy your plans to have a nice football match. Damn those clouds again!!! In an ironical sense, clouds were blamed for being there and at the same time not being there. How are we going to survive this year without good monsoons? How are we going to manage the paucity of water this year? Why is it not raining today so that the school declares a holiday? Damn those clouds again!!!

A world of no clouds was considered the object of nature’s beauty although it left us all sweat in this sweltering heat. The blame was placed on the sun and never once on the lack of clouds to protect us from the sun. A beautiful day for cricket was described as one which had clear blue skies implying the lack of clouds although it left players complaining about the heat.

Clouds stood for everything that is abnormal to the status quo. Don’t you worry it’s just a passing cloud. Clouds stood for everything that’s fleeting and never appealed to a stable pacified peaceful mind. All through my life, I have not seen any other object that has been mocked at, looked down upon so much.

Fast forward to today. Clouds are the in-thing to be in now thanks to the new craze Cloud Computing. Microsoft, IBM, Google, Amazon they are all there, trying to outdo one other in launching cloud computing applications. Clouds have a new meaning now, they are now an object of reverence, an object of comfort and more importantly an object of low-cost.

Cloud computing is Internet-based computing, whereby shared resources, software, and information are provided to computers and other devices on demand. Cloud computing is a better way to run your business. Instead of running your apps yourself, they run on a shared data center. When you use any app that runs in the cloud, you just log in, customize it, and start using it. That’s the power of cloud computing. Cloud computing is a simple idea that also reduces what you pay. One doesn’t need to invest on servers, software or other IT resources. When you run on cloud, you don’t buy anything.

So, all that has technology done for the common good of people, it has also saved the face of Varuna Bhagavan. Clouds are no more associated to the virtual world; they are now the face of our lives. Everything is transported to the cloud, as the matrix world now becomes the real life. So the next time you hear someone saying “I’m on cloud nine” Stop back and think. He might really be residing there!!!

Why this kolaveri on mee?

Sigh..sigh..what's with all these weirdos around me..bloody fools..condescending looks all the bloody time as if i am from an alien land..how did you survive then? ada asamandhamgala, how many times to tell..i dont know i dont know..still the same question every alternate day - hindi nahi jaante? And all the people around laugh till they get blisters on their stomach..

(Reminds me of bloody hindi movies where the villain mocks the chained hero for not knowing his mom's name..Goons all around are paid to laugh at this pathetic joke, in return all they get is a biriyani packet for lunch for their oscar winning performaces..bloody asols..atleast our movies have long come out of this foolish syndrome and are investing their time in trying to make a 50 year old rajni date a 20 yr old deepika with elan and charisma..learn from us)

Having had enough of being the laughing stock, practised in front of mirror thrice, kept an alarm at 3 in the morning to see if i remember twice, also in the loo once, with great difficulty memorized hindi nahi aathi (puked the first few times it came out of my mouth, still perseverance thambi perseverance)..

Determined to use it the next time anyone laughs at me, i went in front of the biggest gang and stood right in the middle..Made sure there were hot gals in there, so the moment i give him the reply he will be so embarassed that he will have nowhere to go except leave the college and hide in his house loo for the next 3 years..Ofcourse the girls will also be so smartly impressed with quick wit, that i will be surrounded by a lot of them running after me like in Axe advert..I was mentally prepared for that, used all variants of Axe..(in over enthusiasm had used a little bit of Baygon as well)

Hindi nahi aati - I said aloud and was mentally preparing myself for the rush of gals (hugs..kissess...oh oh enuf for the day)..How are you telling this in hindi then??? (phatt..phatt..bloody govind was the one..i know it was him oly..bloody south indian who knows hindi due to the event of living in bangalore..sure he would have been handling US calls in fake english accent before he came here, do people in that city do anything else?..Oly south indians are against south indians, shameless people..)

Just about the time when my ears started warming up to the continuous laughter, I held my hand against my head and fainted on to the ground..(Our movies have made me strong in coming up with this innovative means of escaping unescapable moments of shame shame puppy shame..Rememberred to pat myself on the back for being street smart once the drama is over)..

Haha the dumbos fell for this you see..took me to a doctor thinking I was seriously sick..While I was still acting unconscious, I mentally kept a note of who all are making fun, just to take revenge later by giving fake orders in their mess bill (they will suspect the mess people and an ensuing fight between north indians will ensure a field day for depressed souls like me suffering in their combined hegemony)..After a long time, the stupid doctor concluded I had food poisoning and charged 500 rs for that (Govind again joked that it would have been due to the acidic reactions of mixing chowmein and curd..again pearls of laughter..point double noted..) I faked innocence though regarding the payment of money the next day and fainted once more..haha they stopped asking money after that..(brains machi brains)

More on the travails and travesty of me in an hostile environment later..very hungry now..

(**brought my chowmein to my room where I can mix how much ever curd i want..Ambrosia!!!)

How India will reach the No. 0 rankings in Test Cricket!!!

These pathetic lads have lost it 4-0 (looks like my proposal count, not even one turned right)..But how can you lose it so badly to people who make games for others to win..how the hell man?how could you do this to me?I am sure that Fletcher would have spoilt your minds, goddamn englishman..It's like US waging a war against Afghanistan, with Osama as the US general..Why why why???if only you had listened to me..

Oki captain cool, now listen to this and we can still win the series 4-0 favoring India..it's highly possible, in fact its the only result possible if you follow this 7-point algorithm..

1. Quickly release a press notice saying India is in favor of the DRS and wants the entire series reviewed..If we lose the toss, quickly call for a DRS..keep repeating step 1, till we win the toss

2. Wall should start also batting from the non-strikers' end so the ball never crosses it reaches Sehwag (making it impossible for him to get a king pair). Wall can be made of India cements to facilitate N Srinivasan's revenues.

3. Dravid should make sure he captivates the entire crowd with his 540 ball 12 runs at the end of the day. A hardcore enthusiast will have the over details as Ball #1 Well Left, Ball #2 Ugly left, Ball #3 Well right...Ball #6 Unintentional edge to a single.

4. After two days of such riveting cricket, we will declare with a huge first innings score of 23. After the english batsmen are ready to play, Dhoni should refuse to bowl unless england agree to declare their first innings at a score of -499.India will enforce the follow-on

5. India should start bowling with its pace spearheads of Harbhajan Singh and MS Dhoni. Spinners like Sreeshanth, RP Singh and Ishant Sharma will bowl one-change. At this moment, a press conference should be held by the ICC that if 8 runs are not scored of every ball, then its a wicket loss (This move is taken to make test cricket more interesting and in the best interest of the game)

6. After seeing the pathetic plight of the English team and their inability to compete with India, Dhoni should magnanimously grant England extra runs and fix the target as India needing to get 100 in the second innings with a caveat that whoever scores the runs/doesn't score the runs, it will be added to Sachin's score.

7. With one ball left to go, and Sachin requiring one run to get to his 100th 100, and with Amit Mishra on strike (runs will be added to Sachin though!!), with the crowd waiting to witness history, both the teams should agree for a draw on the condition that India wins the test match and Sachin gets his 100.

This is test cricket at its very best!!!Crowd goes berserk and unable to control his joy, seeing his teammate make history, Sourav will remove his shorts from the commentary box and wave it over his head..Smiles and congratulations all around for India, having won a hard-fought series 4-0..Anna Hazare should be invited to break his fast and give the presentation trophy (In the time, Dravid bats Anna Hazare can even hold his fast on the ground)..Indian team will be able to walk off with No. 0 rankings and undisputed kings of cricket (Day Zero is better than Day 1 na, Same logic)

Daii Dhoni daii, listen to me da..Call a press conference quickly!!!

This part of my life is called RUNNING :)

People call me a sleazy lazy ass (Ironical as I don't want to move it too) happy to do nothing all day and metaphorically picture me as a pig who loves to waddle in the mud all the time. When the facts are starklingly clear, I decide to keep my mouth shut. Over a period of time, I started glorifying laziness and associated it with this suave, sophisticated, don't-care, smart, intelligent BUT lazy kind-of-attitude. Although, I tried my level best to paint this picture, it turned out to be like one of my 2 year old cousin's painting books. Being an optimist, I told myself "Agreed, the painting sucks, but atleast its colorful", till other people plucked away all colors from me, not to waste it on an useless like me. So there I was - A grand total DUD!!!

Let me start off by skipping and this afternoon sleep and do something productive - New year resolution #354. Let me read newspaper everyday - Resolution # 789. Let me spend an hour everyday meditating - Resolution # rand(). So, with all these resolutions, I was supremely confident my journey from a DUD to a STUD is just a mile drive. Drew on the last powers of strength to skip my afternoon sleep, should I read my newspaper or should I meditate or should I play my guitar or should I study or should I or shouldn't I... Grrr Grr Where to now?? I decided to sleep when the clock struck 12, woke up the next morning to take one final resolution. All Resolution Status - Null and Void.

So, this big total dud in me took to drinking, grew a beard and all things a hero does in our movies when she gets married. It went on for ages, finally when an unfortunate piece of photography managed to capture me (Din't realize till people tagged me on FB). My eyes popped out on the sight unable to believe, took final five shots of tequila and ran away. I didn't want to stop till I reached the flat end of the world and fall off the cliff into a deep abyss. I ran ran and ran till I crashed into my own bed. Life had come a full circle for me!!!

With this coterie of lazy duds, we run in search of the the flat end of the world. We don't want to believe that earth is still flat and not what Copernicus or whoever says it is. So, this eternal search has defined a purpose in my life, the course of the journey teaching me lessons I wouldn't have learnt else in life. As I put on my shoes everyday, I set out to enjoy the journey as I know the end is not the ultimate goal, do my preparatory loosening up groundwork before harping on my mission, set out to appreciate the sometimes moist, sometimes dry pot-hole filled track as the vagaries the external world forces on me on which I have no control over and I set out to run. As my fellow duds join me and goad me on, I do what I can do best - Push Myself, for the adrenaline rush when the once target end line looms larger, when the thud of the shoes on the ground voice over for the sweetest music on earth, when the pearls of hard-earned sweat bathe you and emanates from your body the most authentic perfume I ever put on, and at the end of the 10th lap telling myself that 11th lap was all that I was waiting for and reliving the magic of the 10th lap all over again. As the focus remains only on ending the lap against all odds of physical endurance, and as the mind becomes uncluttered of other niggling worrying things which waver you from the task at hand, I enjoy this orgasmic bliss of my unison with what my mind tells my heart and what they command my body to do. Wish everything in life was so simple!!! So, after I have had enough of this ambrosia, I look up to my fellow duds as if to say Enuf for the day?? A glint in their unsatiated passion says Lets do one more, and as I do my last lap - I just hope we never reach the end of the cliff for selfish reasons of enjoying this pleasure. Running away from life doesn't seem a bad option anymore - didn't Steve Jobs do it? Oye Comrades see you tomorrow, We part off each day - With the never attained satisfaction of giving it all and appreciating yourselves even in defeat.

I am not a STUD, but neither am I a DUD now..Run, Mani Run!!!This part of my life is called RUNNING, This part of my life is called running in pursuit of HAPPYNESS!!!