tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17629405196196448472024-03-07T21:21:38.080-08:00Random MumblingsManihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-33472393442328055072014-11-20T09:34:00.000-08:002014-11-20T09:34:05.069-08:00Reliving Sept 24<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It
was a strange feeling one which I hadn’t lived through ever in my fan life - rooting
for India without the associated anxiety or the desperation. My stomach didn’t squirm
in discomfort during the death overs, my blood didn’t boil over a misfield, nor
did I stand awkwardly with half a foot on the TV hall and half a foot in the
prayer hall. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Probably
because T20 was a new unheard format at that time, maybe because the big guns
sat back at home, or because India just undid the horrors of the 50 over world
cup by the victory in England, or it was just that I couldn’t come to terms
with a long-haired Bollywood model leading an Indian team. Thanks largely to that
confusion, I, for once, was able to do what I have envied seeing a lot of
others do. Enjoy a game of cricket that India played. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I
had as much fun as Robin Uthappa when he bowed when India won a cricket match
3-0, neither did I go into depression when we lost to New Zealand in the first
match of the Super 8s, and surprisingly remained level-headed even after Yuvi’s
sixes, and DK’s moment of Jonty Rhodes to dismiss Greame Smith. I looked down at
India’s semi-finals entry with a touch of contempt like the way an Arsenal or
Man Utd supporter would look at a Carling Cup. Afterall, it was just a T20
World Cup. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Whoever
wrote the scripts for sports, and whatever sadistic pleasure they got from
taking away the brief period of happiness I was going through! That dreaded
feeling of anguish, desperation, anticipation and fear returned when I knew about
one of the finalists. Pakistan does that to you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It
wasn’t just about beating Australia in Semi-Finals, it was already dreaming
about the showdown at Wanderers. And for the first time during the T20 World
Cup, the calculators were back again, the TV went back to its rightful place in
the prayer hall, so were the heated abuses hurled up at everyone when Hayden
was blazing through and doing the Bhangra along with Bhajji. I was back being
the only way I knew I could be as an Indian cricket fan. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">There
are certain things in your memory that gradually get forgotten with new nicer
things happening in your life. Whatever were to happen further in my life, the
night of Sept 24 would be among the final few holding fort. For in a span of 3
hours, I went through every bit of emotion anyone could go through. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I
wish I could put into words what I went through when Umar Gul <span> </span>Umar Gul dismissed Yuvi and Dhoni, or when
Imran Nazir started the way he did, or how I felt after that 21 run over of
Sreesanth. And when Misbah scooped the ball up in the air, I wish I hadn’t shut
my eyes and had the courage to watch it live. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sometimes,
Cricket does that to you. It makes you wait an eternity for a moment to arrive,
and when it does it lets you totally numb and foolishly dumb. Sept 24 was one
such.</span></div>
Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-88850473296848567382014-11-10T11:02:00.002-08:002014-11-13T03:49:40.226-08:00Chennai da<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
Kalakki konjam Saalnaava Oothu Machi<br />
'Nee Naan Raja Sir' pograthu Radio Mirchi<br />
Themba ezhutha poren Namma Chennai Pathi<br />
Ketukkutu poi sollu intha Getha konjam Kathi<br />
<br />
Stella Maris kitta vechikitta Bata Seruppu<br />
Kodikatti parakkara enga Thalaivare Karuppu<br />
CSK mela kaamikaatha romba Veruppu<br />
Enga kitta orasina pathikkum da Neruppu<br />
<br />
Besant Nagar Adyar la 'Yo Dude's aah irukkara Naanga<br />
Albert Theater la oru Whistle ah poduvom Ponga<br />
Tasmac vaasal la romba Galeej panra Naanga <br />
Queue la nippom Padikaattu Muniswaran nukaaga <br />
<br />
Figurekku kaaga aakuvom Collegea Boxing Ring-u<br />
Napoleon thaan eppozhuthum engaloda King-u <br />
Kettu paaru kudukkaram Enga Sothula Pangu<br />
Aana mothi paaru da uthidivom unakku Sangu<br />
<br />
Ooraan pechu kekkaama konjam Bus Yeri<br />
Vanthu paaru Machi Enga Chennaiku Maari <br />
Kaatiduvom Unmele enga anbellam Vaari<br />
Entha sorgamum pidikala na 'Sorry, Nee oru Somari' </div>
Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-91530071709820912682014-09-16T23:55:00.001-07:002014-09-16T23:55:40.417-07:00100 Crores for the Ice Bucket Challenge<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">1million
videos, 2 million hashtags, 5 million likes in 1 day. Beat that! Facepalm to
all those first world countries who keep mocking at our population and
unemployment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>India was making a mockery
of the bucket challenge. And being the company responsible for fund collection
in India, we could see our stock values being written its worth in gold. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Mani,
what the hell are you doing? Where are the donations?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Sir,
but 1 million videos and counting. I thought we would be…” My manager was
howling at the other end. People were just bothered about the likes for their
FB videos; only 1 lakh an hour is trickling in. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“I
don’t care what you’re going to do. I need 100 crores from you.” The call hung
up at the other end. The whole world came crashing. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">100
crores. I could see my holiday in Goa crumbling before my eyes. The plans I
made with Rhea. My incentive cheque. DAMN!!! I needed to make a plan. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Act 1:</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I
flicked the Gandhi cap from a roadside rickshaw-walla and wore a sweater and
scarf albeit in the heat of 40 degree. That was the only way I could get
anywhere close to AK. I neatly rolled out my plan to him. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Sir,
the whole country is going crazy over this. You can capture all the media
attention that you once had. Now, is the time, both RaGa and NaMo still don’t
know about it, and you will be the trendsetter again.” Arvind Kejriwal sat up
the moment I mentioned the word NaMo. He paced across the room in rapid pace
thinking about my proposal long and hard. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Ok,
I will take up the challenge. But only on the condition that Ice and a Bucket
are made available for free to the Aam Aadmi.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">AK
was primly dressed with his customary dressing and the skull cap, and explained
an hour about how he had got corrupt free water from the free water that was
given during his government, his water tax receipts, and went on and on. His
nominations were an open challenge to NaMo, RaGa, and Mukesh Ambani. At the end
of an hour, I was sweating more than him. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">But,
I was happy I finally uploaded the video.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“What
the hell have you done? Delete that video at once.” The moment that video went
live, the donations had dipped to 10 Rs an hour. The first hour from Arvind
Kejriwal, the second hour from Ashutosh, and by the third hour I had removed
the video before further damage. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Act 2:</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“There
is no one watching the match these days. They have moved on to football and
tennis. There are rumours that Anushka Sharma has the PK poster as her display
picture. This is your only chance to impress her.” Virat immediately agreed on
the mention of Anushka. 100 crores from one video. What a masterstroke!!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I
was the unlucky one who had to do it, but if this was the only way I was going
to reach 100 crores, so be it. Virat stood before me ready for the challenge
and all he had was an even smaller transistor than Aamir Khan. “Saala Behen ki,
this will show him who the boss is”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">After
hours of careful editing of numerous slip ups of Virat with the transistor, I
finally had a video fit for public viewing. Virat had nominated Anushka Sharma
and Aamir Khan for the challenge. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Teri
Maa ki (Beep), Saala (Beep)…” I hung up the phone before he could complete.
With it, the plans of reaching close to my target. How was I responsible if
there were more views for Aamir Khan’s video than Virat’s. Doomed!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Act 3:</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Last
throw of dice. There was no one else who could bail me out now. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“But,
all this is against our cultural values. Our government will not support the
influence of western ideas into our country.” I sat trying to convince him for
more than an hour now. But, Subramanian Swamy wouldn’t budge. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Sir,
according to one version of the Ramayana, Sita’s swayamvar was not based on the
bow and arrow challenge. The Ice Bucket Challenge is actually the brainchild of
Ram and Laskhman.” I didn’t even have to complete the statement; he had already
made up his mind. He quickly made a call to his secretary to call for a press
conference. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Sir,
the donations for the challenge.” I stood there gingerly as Subramanian Swamy
was making violent phone calls for his press conference. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Haan,
Don’t worry, about that.” He picked up his phone to make a final call. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">“Jaitely
saab, allocate 100 crores from the Budget for the Ram Sita Ice Bucket Ayodhya
Yojana.”</span></div>
</div>
Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-66787759549921218872014-07-15T10:23:00.002-07:002014-07-15T23:37:59.705-07:00Drameballz – Messi move to Chelsea stalled by Mourinho<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
<br />
I know it has been a terrible last one month for you all.
Yes, it has been painfully sad for me too. I understand you wanting to
smash that bloody phone countless number of times when you got the
message from Rajendran (Rechristened ‘Rajendran Rodriguez’) criticizing
Brazil’s flank play or when Gokul ‘Messi’ Verma replies only in German
these days. I understand your pain, and I have no balm to heal those
wounds.<br />
<br />
But all I can promise you is that the future looks bright, very
bright. Trust me. I have two reasons in my defence:<br />
<ol>
<li>The World Cup is over. </li>
<li>No ‘Ravi Shastri’ for the Ind vs Eng Series</li>
</ol>
What we went through was a tough time indeed, but, at the end of the
month ‘We are the winners’. The EPL is a month away, and enough time for
the insanely crazy football fanatics to move on to #VamosRafa.<br />
<br />
We can at peace, get
ready for an exciting new season with exciting new players. In case, you
have missed, I’ll give you a gist of all the transfer rumours over the
last one month.<br />
<br />
<b>Manchester City have tabled a 1000 million pound bid for Costa Rica</b><br />
<br />
Impressed by the performances of the Costa Rican team,
Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan, owner of Manchester City has tabled a 1000
million pound bid to the UN in an attempt to buy out the entire nation.
The Premier League Champions feel this will totally take care of their
objective of not grooming a single player from the club ranks, and
destroy English football totally, atleast for the next decade.<br />
<br />
The fans of the club were understandably very enthusiastic
about the news. Speaking of which Oomen Chandy Blossomkuttan from
Kerala says “I am very proud of what our fellow brothers in Dubai are
doing, and all Keralites will back them in their attempts.”<br />
<br />
The movement
has received momentum from their demi-God when Shakila promised to come back to
acting if the deal goes through. Poonam Pandey has decided to strip all, just as a teaser to woo all the Costa Ricans.<br />
<br />
Tough decision, for the UN indeed.<br />
<br />
<b>Mourinho stalls Messi Move to Chelsea</b><br />
<br />
Yes, the dream deal for any club, the transfer of the
greatest player on the planet was stalled at the last minute by Chelsea
manager Mourinho. Reports suggest that Mourinho was against this move from the day Adidas
held talks with FA, citing how Messi knowing how to play football is totally against Chelsea’s tactics and objectives. He went up to the owner of the club for support, but that was
not enough to convince Roman Abramovich, who was planning to sack
Mourinho for not winning the World Cup.<br />
<br />
Finally, a 20 yr-old video posted by Messi's father has come to the rescue of Mourinho. The video shows a young 5-year old
Messi bumping his toy car into the wall while parking it. Mourinho’s
caption of ‘If he can’t park this car, how can he park the CHELSEA bus?’
was enough to send the blues supporters into a rage and eventually
stall the move.<br />
<br />
However, the FA and Adidas have agreed terms to present
the Golden Ball, Golden Boot for the 2014 Premier League season to
Messi, without him having to play in the Premier League. Sepp Blatter, the president of FIFA, has given his consent to this extremely innovative marketing campaign.<br />
<br />
The one person who has been vehemently opposing such an idea is our ex-prime minister, Manmohan Singh, who has promised to not talk a word till the issue is resolved amiably.<br />
<br />
<b>Barcelona Zoo to build team around Suarez</b><br />
<br />
Probably the biggest news so far of the transfer season
has been the 75 million pound move of Luis Suarez from Liverpool. No
wonder the Spanish press and school kids are very excited about this
move, talking of it as the biggest thing that could have happened to
boost Spanish tourism in decades.<br />
<br />
David Moyes, newly appointed manager
of the Barcelona Zoo, has promised to build the entire zoo around their
new capture. “I am sure my experience from managing Manchester United
for 1 year, and Fellaini for 7 years, will be extremely helpful in
managing this tough task ahead of me. I thank Alex Ferguson for
personally recommending me for this job.”<br />
<br />
Schools in Barcelona have
already started advising students to maintain a gap of a minimum 50
meters with all wild animals, and 50 kms from Luis Suarez. Spanish tourism industry has received a 50% surge in
visitors in the last week, and is expecting a GDP growth of 10% this
year due to this boost.<br />
<br />
Prime Minister, Narendra Modi has personally
sent a team of MLAs from Goa on a month long paid vacation to study this
phenomenon. As ex-president, Pratibha Patil feels it is her right to
be a part of this group, and has submitted the Visas of 500 of her
extended family members.<br />
<br />
We'll keep you posted on further developments from the transfer arena. Till that time, keep upping your German vocabulary.<br />
<br />
<h1 class="firstHeading" id="firstHeading" lang="en">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span dir="auto">Danke schön.</span></span></span></h1>
<br />
<i><b>Drameballz is a new series that takes a weekly look at all the fun that happens in English football. </b></i></div>
Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-24874107611349623072014-06-29T01:53:00.004-07:002014-06-29T01:54:38.237-07:00Six steps to Save your face in this Football Fever<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="_5k3v _5k3w clearfix">
<div>
I can
understand your anxiety. I can understand your helplessness. Let me get
straight to the point. These have been formulated based on extensive
analysis and careful research, so blindly follow them without anxiety.<br />
<br />
<b>1. You've got to support a team</b><br />
<br />
"How can I support a country I haven't been to, nor whose national anthem I know, and which I have seen only in Maps?" Bullshit.<br />
<br />
This
is not the time for your patriotism or nationalistic fervour.To sound
like as football flows through your veins and blood, you've got to
support a team. So choose one. Done?<br />
<br />
Aiyoo, you're a
madrasi or what? Don't support Brazil thinking its CSK, or Netherlands
thinking its BJP. You'll get grilled by their history and quizzed about
Selcao and Maracana. Always, choose a team who have no chance of
winning, no tactics, no star players, and are in Brazil cos their queen
sent them there.<br />
<br />
England? Good choice. You've cleared point #1<br />
<br />
<b>2. Messi, Neymar and Ronaldo</b><br />
<br />
Who
the heck are you to care about Messi performing better for his club
rather than his country of birth? How much time did you waste seeing all
those videos and reading about them? I'm sorry, your time has totally
been wasted.<br />
<br />
The best way to avoid controversy is not get
into any discussion of greatness abt Messi vs Ronaldo, just take the
conversation to another level and make them feel like amateurs. Remember
our idea is to get through this one month of epidemic, and not become a
pundit. I will make it simple for you. Just memorize these five words.<br />
<br />
Total Football, Johan Cryuff, Maradona, Hand of God, Pele, Black Pearl.<br />
<br />
That
is it, with these you've obtained a masters degree in Football.
Randomly use those words in any discussion irrespective of the topic.
Post a few comments on status messages, send group mails, but make sure
those five words in regular conversations.<br />
<br />
A Sample
comment on a status message can be: Machan, how're you and your "hand of
god" doing? Can you get me a "Black Pearl" necklace this time?<br />
<br />
Or,
confidently use a foreign language and put up a status message. Let
Google Translators go bonkers, others will never ask you what it means
for it will expose their ineptitude.<br />
<br />
Say spanish: El Mundo
Deportiva la Johan Cryuff la roja Ricky Martin song lo Un, dos, tres,
Ave Maria Maradona Vamos Rafael Nadal Barcelona<br />
<br />
100 Likes. 0 Comments. In 10 minutes<br />
<br />
<b>3. Mani</b> Neymar Van James Messi Luis Ronaldo <b>Inam</b><br />
<br />
You
just cannot get to the next level of Football Intelligentsia without
this step. This will save you from having to paint your faces with
sticky paints, waste money on expensive jerseys to desperately show your
football knowledge. Choose your favourite name from all 32 teams and
mix them by lots in between your first and last names. Change all your
social contacts to this name right away. As and when a team goes out,
drop that name, and revamp your loyalties.<br />
<br />
And when the WC is over, you should reveal that your real name always was "Lionel Mani Messi Inam".<br />
<br />
<b>4. Set your alarms to 3.30</b><br />
<br />
Now,
this is a mistake all novices do. Staying up all night, forcing
yourself to watch, and getting fucked up the next day in office. You've
become a semi-pro already by clearing 3 steps, this will make you reach
Pro status.<br />
<br />
Change that alarm to 3.30. Now, you've got to
perfectly keep up this time. There is no way out on this. I'm sorry,
there's no way but to be the first on this.<br />
<br />
Just look up
the scores and goal scorers, and Update statuses like "Wow, what a goal
(Fill here)", "Through to the next round (Fill here)" and sometimes even
very statiscally brilliant ones like "What a terrifc match, it ended
(Score here)".<br />
<br />
Choose five friends whom your sure wouldn't
have watched the match and forward messages like "Mate, did you see the
match? What wing coverage and tactcial formation and inspired
substitutions".<br />
<br />
Now, go back to sleep.<br />
<br />
<b>5. Intelligent Humour</b><br />
<br />
Very very important. I can't stress enough on this. To move to the Senior Pro level, you've got to do this.<br />
<br />
Again, don't worry. I will handle this for you. Use this standard template.<br />
<br />
Take
your friends to some shabby restaurant for a meal. Wait fot them to say
"Really, bad management". Immediately pounce on and say "I think David
Moyes is the manager, here". Bask in the glory and applause for a while,
but be very aware when the next one comes. "Mate, want a bite?".This
time the reply should sound really cool. "I am not Saurez, man". Give a
smirk, and immediately walk out for a smoke.<br />
<br />
Your greatness will be discussed long into the night.<br />
<br />
<b>6. Post-Match Analysis</b><br />
<br />
Now,
that you've crossed 5 steps of greatness, you'll automatically notice
ppl asking you for predictions and analysis. This is the part which will
make you an expert, and you need to go really easy and careful on this.<br />
<br />
Never
give a score prediction. Never ever do that. This is not IPL, we do not
know the results beforehand. So, this has to be your response.<br />
<br />
Always. MEMORIZE IT.<br />
<br />
"I
think both the teams are evenly poised and we are in for a cracker of a
contest. I expect the match to go right down to the wire. I get the
feeling whoever plays well will surely win the match."<br />
<br />
And,
immediately after the match gets over, don't wait for others to ask you
this time. Get up from your chair, raise a toast, and proudly say<br />
<br />
"What we witnessed here was a fascinating contest, At the end of it, I can only say football is the winner"<br />
<br />
Wipe off your tears.</div>
</div>
<span data-reactid=".1n"><a class="UFILikeLink accessible_elem" data-reactid=".1n.0" href="https://www.facebook.com/notes/mani-inam/six-steps-to-save-your-face-in-this-football-fever/689054501132412?notif_t=like#" role="button" title="Like this"></a></span></div>
Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-88013722054388000952014-06-07T20:06:00.001-07:002014-06-07T20:07:56.680-07:00Only ENGINEERS can write books<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="_5k3v _5k3w clearfix">
<div>
I write this a largely satisfied man. Largely satisfied.<br />
<br />
I
had disastarous nightmares just before the release of my first book
that none would pick it up, and I would receive death threats from those
who mistakenly picked up. But Touchwood, the response has been terrific
so far - been getting exciting feedback, shipments are going at a
decent clip and so on..<br />
<br />
But, not everything has been hunky dory, as I woke up this morning to see this email.<br />
<br />
Dear Mani,<br />
<br />
I
just read your book. And must I say it was terrific.....*effusive
praises hidden for the sake of humility*....Every single line of the
book....*hidden praises*...I will propose your name for
knighthood...*extremely adulatory text*....<br />
<br />
And it went on
for a few more lines, the contents of which I have consciously left out
to be not typecasted as boastful. But, the mail ended with a line that
made me seethe with anger and made my blood boil with rage.<br />
<br />
"The only one thing I still can't come to terms with HOW ON EARTH CAN AN ENGINEER LIKE YOU WRITE BOOKS? ENGINEERS ARE ONE OF..."<br />
<br />
I
stopped reading after that. Had he been in front of me, I would have
done exactly what Mourinho did when some reporter once congratulated
Chelsea for playing good football. I would have ripped the last bits of
the microprocessors of my laptop up his...<br />
<br />
But, he was
someone whom I have never seen or heard from before, hence I took a
pacifist approach and calmly sent out my well-thought out reply.<br />
<br />
Hello Sir,<br />
<br />
Thanks
for your mail..I will cut all crap and get straignt to the point. I
want to give you three reasons why you were completely wrong about your
conceptions about Engineers. I am sure you will agree at the end of it
that if at all there was a clan that was born to write stories, it is us
- THE ENGINEERS<br />
<br />
1. Engineers have the greatest stories in mind<br />
<br />
My
engg college was in Chennai. Well, yes, technically, but that was if
Chennai was next to Pondicherry. Because, my college was literally
closer to Pondicherry than to Chennai. I travelled approx 50 kms up and
down for college everyday. Now, don't be surprised when I say that I was
the closest from a engg college to a city in all of my group of
friends. One of my friends, Shalil Kumar Guha, studied in a college in
Durgapur, for whom the closest known of civilization was Kolkata, a
further 200 kms away. Another friend, Raj Dhoreliya, studied engineering
from Jabalpur, where they still consider Harappa/Mohenjodaro as the
most advanced cities of the world.<br />
<br />
Now, imagine, the
amount of travel and hardships each of us went through in our blessed
engg buses to make it to those lectures. If only, all the engineers
decided to write stories about all the dreams during those 4 yrs of
sleep.<br />
<br />
2. Engineers have mastered the art of imagination<br />
<br />
For
most of the guys like me when in school, joining engineering was about
the most exciting thing life could ever give us. Of all the things that
excited us about engineering - the foremost among them was the freedom
from the Boys school regime. Finally, all those re-runs of
Minnale/Saathiya we watched would have its day. Or so, we thought then.<br />
<br />
But
sir, you won't understand or believe the pain we experienced when we
realized that our boys school was heaven. Never could you have seen
million dreams shatter to pieces at the same time as when you notice
guys on the first day of their engg college.<br />
<br />
For the girls
with whom the next four years HAD to be spent with - every single one
of them looked like cousin sisters of a Kovai Sarala (Now, If you don't
know who she is, google up for reference or visit any of your nearby
engg college). And that too, with the boy-girl ratio in engg colleges at
1:100, meant that there were 100 guys sweating it out in the gym to
take KOVAI SARALA out for a binge date with Dominos Pizza.<br />
<br />
But,
looking back at those four years, there couldn't have been a better
teacher than Sarala to teach us those hardlearned lessons in creativity,
magination, fantasy as we tried to desperately fit Sarala's figure into
a romantic trigger our minds craved for.<br />
<br />
3. Engineers have what it takes to "Wield the long handle to Good effect"<br />
<br />
From
Point 1 and Point 2, I am sure you're convinced that Engineers have the
best imaginative stories. Ever. I can understand what's running through
your mind now. Haa, flash of brilliance anyone can have. One can write a
few short stories or a sonnet with that. How can they write big books
about it, anyways? Right?<br />
<br />
Well, I am sorry. You're not
Right. Our competitive training and meticulous exams over four years
have well prepared us for this final hurdle.<br />
<br />
Here I
propose a simple exercise for you. Goto the nearest library, and pick up
a copy of an engg book and memorize the definition of a Diode. Don't
worry, its just a two lined definition, not even 20 words. Memorised?
All ready. Now, answer this question which is posed to every engineer
before their graduation ceremony.<br />
<br />
Explain Diodes in not less than 60,000 words. (16 marks)<br />
<br />
I
guess I have removed all cobwebs of your doubts with that single
question. Not a single enigeer who has graduated has failed to get a 16
on 16 for that question. My friend Harendra Rathore still holds the
Guiness record for writing 75,000 words for that question.<br />
<br />
I hope its all clear to you and you agree with me that if at all there is a clan born to write stories - its the ENGINEERS<br />
<br />
I
have been very patient with my explanation here, in the hope that
you'll avoid all reasons for me to file a defamation suit against you.
Apologise profusely to all my engineering brethern or prepare a bail
bond in advance.<br />
<br />
Yours Lovingly,<br />
<br />
AN ENGINEER</div>
</div>
</div>
Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-67503232675133820622014-05-17T23:30:00.001-07:002014-05-17T23:30:10.249-07:00Open Letter to Fellow Gunners. Chill. We know our Class.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="_5k3v _5k3w clearfix">
<div>
Fellow Gunners. Chill. The world hasn't turned upside down overnight.<br />
<br />
I
am sure a lot of you might have experienced the deluge of messages,
calls, statuses and wondering what the hell has happened overnight. I
went through the same thing, and let me assure you that all's well. Keep
Calm, we still have Ozil with us.<br />
<br />
I can understand your
perplexion with the obsession of everyone around you crying 'Finally,
you've turned of age' chants and taunting about a 9 yr-old wait coming
to an end.<br />
<br />
I know a lot of you want to say "What the fuck
yaar?", but dont say it, I dont think they will understand. Because they
are not fellow Gunners, you see. So, lets rejoice in our private
amounts of happiness, and open a bottle of Romanee Conti or a Screaming
Eagle Cabernet, sit by the window and toast a victory drink, and relive
Ljunberg and Henry for a moment. <br />
<br />
Many of us would have
started watching Arsenal roughly the time around which I did. I started
watching Football in 2006, and I can understand why all you got a near
orgasm watching Thierry Henry combine with Viera and Pires, and the
boy-wonder Fabregas. I experienced the same orgasm. Because, we were
seeing magic on the field, it was like Mozart woke up from week on week
to conduct one of his best symphonies. It was magic. It was mad. It was
beautiful.<br />
<br />
The kind of performances that would have made
you forget that winning/losing was a needless byproduct, when all you
were concerned was 'Why the hell did Arsenal play only 90 minutes?'.
That was the kind of ecstacy we all got addicted to, and drugged us into
believing trophies are junky pieces of silver as they went the next few
years dazzling us with splendidness and awesomeness. The only regret
during the journey, and which hurts the most of us would be when we were
told we dint have enough money to retain people like Fabregas.<br />
<br />
Not
the trophies we dint get. Actually fuck the trophies. Who cares about
them? I have found most of my fellow Gunners extremely pragmatic. They
don't get swayed by and needlessly get obsessed with the trophies rant
that goes on about them.<br />
<br />
Look at the number of trophies
that Chelsea has won during the same barren run of Arsenal. But, would
we want to trade places and be where Chelsea are right now?
Neveerrrrrrr. I can sense you wanting to pick a compass and slam into
the retina and make damning concentric circles removing the eyeballs out
of anyone who watches a Chelsea game. I know the pain, but lets
strictly keep the discussion here to Football and not games of Bus
Parking.<br />
<br />
Finally, a 9-year wait ends. Monkey off the back.
Feels good. Feels happy. Feels proud. And, hope its one of many more to
come. Just because it makes us feel good. But, its ok yaar even if we
dont win. Because that's not how we look at our Arsenal.<br />
<br />
If
a footage of the best moments of a PL season is made, we know that
Arsenal will commend more than half the screen time. Even, if we get
relegated.<br />
<br />
Chelsea. Puke.</div>
</div>
</div>
Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-82961564789329453922013-09-23T09:40:00.001-07:002013-09-23T09:42:26.401-07:00When Ravi Shastri and Virat Kohli turn politicians...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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And the whole crowd went berserk in an instant; it was so loud that I could hardly hear myself think. Before this the loudest scenario I had ever been was when I watched the first show of a GULTI movie, but this was atleast 10 Junior NTR DB levels higher than that. I was really impressed with the composure that Virat Kohli displayed in what was his first election rally; he seemed surprisingly calm and composed as he went up on stage. It was Ravi Shastri who walked around frenetically on to the stage, waving his hands as if he had experienced a mini orgasm. He didn’t even wait till all of them settled on stage; he directly went on to the stage and started the rally. He seemed like a man in desperate hurry and who wasn’t keen on wasting even a second, but for me it looked like a man who wanted to vomit all out he had mugged up before he forgets it.</div>
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“Aaamchi Mumbai, Vanakkam Chennai, Kemon aachho Kolkatta, Chennagidiya Bengaluru, Susvaagatam Hyderabad, Namasteeeyyyyy Delhi. What we are going to witness here is a serious competition between BJP and Congress, and the rules of the game say that there can only be one winner. But at this moment it looks like the match will go right down to the wire and looks all three results are possible – a win, loss and a tie. This is what makes it a very exciting game because the final result is not known until the last vote is casted. In terms of entertainment value for the neutrals this is just what the doctor ordered. As the game goes on, you expect the reverse swing to come into play as the balls are getting older, but nothing can substitute experience. These people are Pro’s at their own game and it will be interesting to see as the contest is nicely poised at this moment. At the end of the day, this pressure cooker situation is going to make everyone go down all guns blazing. Make no mistake about it; this tracer bullet fired today by the party’s agenda is going to set the cat amongst the pigeons among the government. As a common man we people have to believe that something’s got to give very soon. The last thing we people want at this stage is some leader playing a silly shot, we need leaders who can stand up and be counted, someone who can use the long handle to good effect.</div>
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We had an excellent exhibition of democracy in the last elections. Over 10 lakh votes were cast, and in the end, it took a superb innings from the opposition leader to win it for them. Can the government pull something out of the hat this time too? Is there going to be another twist in the tail? That’s the question on everyone’s lips.</div>
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The stage has been nicely set up for a thrilling climax, and that’s the beauty of this game. At the end of the day, whoever comes out on top in these elections, Deomocracy is the winner.</div>
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Long Live India. Long Live BCCI. Long Live IPL. Only Sachin can decide when to retire. Jai Hind!!!”</div>
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He walked off the stage with the same intensity and anger he came on to the stage with. My ears were still buzzing with echoes of the loud barrage it experienced in the last 5 minutes. That was like 10 Junior NTRs + 5 Ravi Tejas + 3 Balakrishnas together. My ears were bleeding with the loud obscenity it had been exposed to; my mind was spinning with all the clichés unable to make sense of anything.</div>
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But still there seemed to be no respite. Just as immediately as Ravi Shastri settled down, Virat Kohli came up to start his speech. Advaita was all rapt and engrossed, she had not taken her eyes off him from the moment he entered. I must confess Virat Kohli was damn suave and rich today, and he looked surprisingly very level headed today. I was excited myself to hear him and I was looking forward for some sense out of this entire rally.</div>
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“AREY BEHENCHODH. Teri Maa ki government what did they do when India lost to England? MAADERCHODH SAALA. Teri Behen ki... (BEEP)… Australian team Haraami Saala… (BEEP)… beat us, what the hell was the government doing then? Teri Maan Dee… (BEEP)… When India won the world cup Puddu Kutha… (BEEP)…”</div>
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Whoever had the brains to BEEP in at the right moments; it was like watching a WWE show when they used to BEEP every time a cuss word was used. The farthest WWE shows went to was a FUCK, but sitting here was like attending a Doctorate degree on Punjabi Gaali. He didn’t seem to be particularly angry about anything; it was the way he normally was on a cricket field. And every time the BEEP came the crowd erupted more with joy, which egged him on for more.</div>
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“Why is the IPL being targeted for no reason? People messing up with IPL Teri Gaandu Chuityaa ki Maaderchodh Behenchodh… (BEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP)…” And not a single word of him was heard after that, the noise became so deafening that even Advaita wouldn’t have been able to hear me. She had put her fingers into her ears when Virat started and hadn’t taken it out till now.</div>
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“And finally one thing I want to say Ghashti Dallah Maader… (BEEEP)… we all will do it for Sachin Paaji. I will vote for Sachin Paaji in the elections. Sachin Paaji…”</div>
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Virat Kohli hadn’t finished when a bunch of security people got on stage and escorted all the leaders away. And in an instant, the entire rally was over.</div>
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Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-40199262814948943372013-08-10T13:33:00.002-07:002013-08-10T13:35:31.019-07:00Vikram’s Hierarchy of Delhi Girls<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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For a guy who has lived the best part of my
life in Pune, where girls have as much facial hair as those Shivaji statues
everywhere, Delhi is like a paradise, a heaven full of clean shaven hairless
female beauty. For the best part of my initial two months in Delhi I used to never
look beyond those waxed blemish free legs and speck free underarms. I feel hands
especially underarms have been unjustifiably down the pecking order in
selection criteria by guys – but for me they would be near the very top. And if
you’re in Delhi, the girls make sure they expose you to a copious amount of skin,
putting you in a daze difficult to come out of if you happen to have the
fetishes like I do. It would have taken around a month for me to grow over it,
and pull up the courage to approach a girl and strike a conversation. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Only for me to repent later. Its best left
when they are unspoken to and you end up ogling from a distance. The
realization occurred late, but in time for me to chalk out Vikram’s Hierarchy
of Delhi Girls for the greater good of mankind – A foolproof strategy to determine
your scoring pattern needs. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><i>Hierarchy #1: HOT BIMBOS<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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Their typical characteristics are hotness
peppered with an overdose of more hotness. For the people in this category are
just that – INSANELY HOT!! And it’s best if you let your dreams tingle from a
distance and not even remotely attempt to talk any intelligent stuff with them.
There are good chances that you’ll voluntarily lay yourself prey to the tigers
in Jim Corbett. Found only in a group of three or four with a dotted pink bag
in places like Select City and Big Chill areas. The easiest way to spot them
would be to wait and watch out for their periodic giggling at some absurdly inane
and dumb object or person. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Best to sit and watch from a distance, or get
ready for a 100m dash at a speed Usain can’t Bolt if you feel they are walking
up to you to pick up a conversation. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><i>Hierarchy #2: THE PUNJ EFFECT<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
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<b><i> </i></b>Overarching subset of hierarchy #1 added with
a little splash of more beauty replacing the only hotness content of #1 set. A splash
of bindaas debonair attitude coupled with a better grammatical hold English and
a heavy Punjabi accent to differentiate them from hierarchy #1. Very open and extremely
forward looking to try out new things in life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Best option to try out your luck if you can
somehow overcome two giant turban clad (yellow and pink) brothers and an
I-have-more-hair-than-a-bear father. If you can negotiate them this hierarchy
is definitely the best bet, or be prepared for some ball crushing when they
start their trucks. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My quick tip is to make an attempt if you
find thin Punjabi family members, but then a thin Punjabi is an oxymoron. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><i>Hierarchy #3: ALMA MATTER SHIT<o:p></o:p></i></b></div>
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Highly associated with the hierarchies 1 and
2, many of them will be their best buddies and also the fucking moral police
dissuading them of the rightful pleasures of life of that age. Invariably from
a middle-class background with a dad owning Maruti car and patriarchal lineage
to a Bong or a Mallu, and currently pursuing a degree in either D.U or St.
Stephens or JNU. Invariably snobbish and pricey about anything in life, will
have sound opinions and would be hoping the moral high ground on matters of
national importance. Highly average looking accentuated by an excessive use of
a Pallika Bazaar perfume, barring a small minority this hierarchy is majorly laden
with tasteless people evident from their Samsung phones. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Best way to spot them is if you find them
starting and ending a conversation with their Alma Matter, or the easier option
would be to just watch out for their phones. Generally disgruntled lot who
presents a high scoring probability, but, think twice before doing anything. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><i>Hierarchy #4: THE HAUZ KHAS ONES</i></b><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The
one who occupy the highest order in Vikram’s hierarchy, and easily the only worthy
ones where intelligence and beauty sits wonderfully on them. Generally found in
places like Hauz Khas, Oxford Cha Bar reading a novel or skimming The Hindu or
The Caravan, or blindly choose the one possessing an iPhone to be from this
hierarchy. You will find them with minimal make up, wearing a mild fragrance of
Chanel mostly in a simple tee-jean combo. The chances are that you’ll find them
always ready for a nice conversation, be prepared for a heavy dose of “You bet”
and “Kidding Atrocious” in their talk and also to be swept off by a highly
engaging smile. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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The next time you meet such kind of people,
do remember to act quick, depending on their return flight from Delhi. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-63477862876161944712013-07-18T03:23:00.001-07:002013-07-18T03:23:15.385-07:00Snippet 2 - The Election Rally <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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“Vikram this is
going to be an important rally today, my guess is the opposition party will lay
out their election manifesto and principal platform on which they are going to
fight these elections today. Also it will be interesting to see if they will project
someone as their chief ministerial candidate today – there are quite a few
factions and some very influential leaders; it’s going to be a tough pick. Do
you prefer the idea of revealing the identity of your top man before the
elections or would you prefer it after the elections Vikram?” <o:p></o:p></div>
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Sometimes I have
serious doubts as to whether Advaita asks these questions really caring for my
opinion or just to test my complete ignorance on the topic. Actually I couldn’t
still come to terms with the crowd that has assembled for this rally. It was
scorching heat easily in the high 40s, but the people who had turned up had no
qualms about it. They were everywhere – there was a huge section of people
beyond the barricaded section which had no seats, my rough estimate would be a
minimum of a lac people there. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Thankfully the
press license got us cushy seats in the front right below the dais. Judging by
the number of media persons who were there for coverage and the police, army
and BSF people present, it did look like an important rally. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“Hey Vikram, look
there Barkha Dutt and her entire crew is here, I never knew she is taking up
these state elections. Vikram we have a fight for space against the big shots
in the industry” Barkha Dutt is from the NDTV, I have met her once before
during a small function. I noticed then and even today – she has a horrible and
awkward sense of choosing her ear rings – so yucky. <o:p></o:p></div>
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“Isn’t her ear
rings so cool Vikram? She has a very good choice of ear rings this is the first
time I am seeing this one – this is killer. “It’s impossible to explain the
fascination of these girls for going weird and considering it cool fashion. I
hate it when they load themselves with all ornaments ever possible that could
be fitted on to them. Half of them do it to impress guys, but someone should
tell them we guys hate all this meaningless stuff they wear to call it fashion.
A guy’s fashion wardrobe would be complete with an unwashed jean, a crunched tee,
a pair of slippers and a watch. To wear a perfume would be luxury and it could
complete his bridal set. As Jean Isaacs would have put it simplicity is the
best beauty. But these girls will never understand. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The rally was
supposed to start at 9 but it was already well past 10 and not a single politician
had arrived. However, there seemed to be no concern among the people who were
present there; they considered it a huge privilege to be even present there at
that rally. Surprisingly for such a huge group of people the level of obedience
and discipline was staggering. There were passionate chants and slogans, people
were waving party flags enthusiastically, and the whole scene seemed like from
a football match sans the hooliganism. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The hooting of the sirens
was deafening, and more so when it came from more than a hundred cars at the
same time. It would have taken a minimum of ten minutes for the sandstorm it
created to settle down. For a moment it was like a human hostage scenario, an
entire army was present there equipped with AK-47s, Kalashnikovs and a few more
I have seen before only in Counter Strike. Every time a member got down, the
loudspeakers played out a special song for him, and each one of them carried
out a set of his planned entry steps. Once all of them were out, they stood in
the center of the arena and posed once before the crowd who went ballistic with
joy. It seemed like I was the only one who felt like watching WWE all over
again. And the loudspeakers went again to welcome the final entry of whoever
was in the caravan. <o:p></o:p></div>
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AILAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I
wasn’t sure whether the mirage was playing tricks with my imagination, suddenly
the temperature shot up by 10 more degrees; I could feel my whole body going
numb, and my throat went completely parched of water. From the caravan, she
blew a kiss for the crowd once before CHITRANGADHA SINGH walked over to the
dais along with the others.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It seemed like my
eyes were waiting for only this in life, it just wouldn’t blink however hard I
tried. Chitrangadha was wearing a bright yellow sari with a red border which was
tied up on top of the head, along with a head anklet which covered the rest of
her hair. The head anklet matched beautifully in sync with her earrings which
went a few layers down that it almost bounced and kissed around with joy with
her shoulders. Her full array of bangles was visible which went up all the way
down to the elbow as she rested her chin on those fingers and her arms lay
tenderly on those crossed legs. A lot of people say that her nose is too sharp
enough, but for me it’s perfect especially with the piercing she had done. Even
a prick would have been enough to pierce such a soft nose. But the real killer
piece was her necklace which rested right between her breasts. Whatever good
karma had that necklace done in previous births to be where it was. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Everything in the
world came to a halt. Everything. The chants around, the army of police in
front, the scorching heat, everything vanished. My entire universe was
Chitrangadha Singh. She was damn hotter in real life than the countless Youtube
videos and pictures on Santabanta and other websites I have spent time over. There
was literally not a single thing imperfect about her. I realized I hadn’t blinked a wink in the
last ten minutes or how much ever time had really passed. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Then I did. When it
happened for the second time, there was no doubt it was at me. The first time I
thought it was someone behind me. But she put out her index finger and pointed
specifically at me the second time around. She gave a smile when I had finally
understood. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br />
From my childhood I was not very good at Dumb-C, had always considered it too
girly. Those were Rahul kind of games, simply not for me. But how do I know
that in the future there would be a dire need for that stupid-ass game in an important
life juncture like this now? Chitrangadha was furious, she was waving
frenetically at me. For a moment, I thought I should ask Advaita for help, but
then decided against, she will only end up worsening my case. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
This time it was
obvious – I can’t mess up on this one. She was pointing at me and asking me to
follow her. I saw her mumble on the ears of the person next to her and went
down from the stage. She entered the caravan and before entering it gave a
final indication asking me to come over. The doors went shut in an instant. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
The message was
clear for me; Chitrangadha was waiting for me inside the caravan. But why would
she want to meet me? Probably she has a track of how many times I have seen her
videos on Youtube. Surely it has to be something regarding that, and the fact
that she is calling me alone would mean that I might be shot over for all my
misdemeanors. In this sea of army and police people, none will ever come to
know. Or what if she wanted to just ..?
I decided to take a chance, what’s the worst that can happen to me? Even if I
end up being shot by Chitrangadha, it would be the highest honor of natural
death that could ever be inflicted upon me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
She wasn’t inside
the caravan when I entered but she heard me enter. She said she will be right
there in two minutes and asked me to be seated inside. I was not sure whether
it was Marc Jacobs Daisy or Chanel Coco Mademoiselle, but the entire place was
full of it. The caravan was actually a mess, there were dresses and shoes
thrown across everywhere, magazines were all across the floor, hardly any place
to sit down. I managed to squeeze in the little space that was available on the
couch. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“This place is in a
complete mess now, I haven’t quite got the time to clear these stuff out for a
while, has been a very hectic week” How I survived another heart attack is
beyond me. Chitrangadha was standing in the edge of the room; she had just come
out of a bath. She was standing there sans any of her ornaments her hair
dripping wet. She had changed over onto a different Sari, stunningly all black
this time. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
The Sari has to rank amongst the greatest innovations of Indians ever. Who
cares about the Zero or the number system, if not us, the Chinese would have
invented them a few years later. But the Sari could have been done only by us.
It exactly knows what to hide and what to reveal all in the right proportions
to set the right kind of ambiance. Always.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“Don’t mind huh,
there is absolutely no space. I would have to squeeze in here only” Fuck all
the Marc Jacobs’ or the Chanel Coco’s, the natural scent of a woman should be
the most enchanting one ever. Chitrangadha was sitting so close that I could
smell the scent of her just bathed body. How I wished the place had been
messier. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“So how are you
doing Vikram? I had long wanted to meet you; I am a huge fan of your articles
that I haven’t missed out a single one till now. The main reason I agreed to
come to this rally is knowing that GID will be covering this.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
SHE KNOWS MY
NAME!!! By then, my body had become immune and resistant to any kind of shock
it could take. She opened a bottle of Romanee Conti and poured a glass for both
of us. She went on talking about her upcoming movies and the characters she was
essaying in them, while I sat trying to control my constantly drifting eyes
towards her navel. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“So you tell me
about your current article you’re working on Vikram.” As I tell her about she
sat enraptured and very attentive to all I was saying. But a glimpse of her
eyes told me a different thing – one of a longing hope, and a delicious
interest. I carefully avoid any cues my mind wants me to believe fully aware
that I might be shot down the next instant. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
She started running
her fingers through her while she was taking a sip of wine from her glass. We
were sitting perilously close by then I could feel her legs which were almost
entangled onto mine. It was becoming impossibly human for me to control my
emotions. This time it seemed too obvious. She held out her hand and let the
wine glass ever slowly slip out of her fingers. It took an eternity for the
crackle of the glass as it hit the ground, and the drop of the wine to land
onto her lower lip. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The next thing I
knew I was running through her hair ever so slightly and letting the drops of
water wet my hand. She slid down a little letting my stoke her and she could
place her legs on my lap. She had an endless pair of legs the kind that has exactly
the right kind of muscle so that they don’t look skinny and just not too much so
they look manly enough. I took her feet and gently caressed them a little
planting a small kiss. She let out a small giggle, as I slowly slipped my hand
up to her shin.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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WHAT GIFTED PAIR OF
LEGS WERE THESE!!! How much ever advancement I made, my hands kept sliding and
tumbling down. Even a sculpted mannequin would not have been such porcelain
like. She adjusted herself down so she accommodate a little more of me, and by
this time I was literally on top of her. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I run my lips
slowly across her ears as I could hear her moan, which I conveniently ignore. I
could see her eyes shut, as I get a little manlier on her ears while I
simultaneously let my hands slide on her naval. I could constantly hear her
moans, which were getting a little louder and gasps out of her mouth in
constant intervals. She tangled her feet around me in a vicious twist both of
us went tumbling onto the floor. She hadn’t opened her eyes yet; she was down
on the floor in an array of magazines, clothes and a part of her makeup kit. The lipstick had painted a few unscripted but
inviting designs on her cheek. The Adams’ apple on her throat made violent
reverberations calling for attention. This was Eden for me but it was no sin I was
going to commit; I was ready to show her the pathway to a forbidden pleasure. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
It had long been my
dream to make love on a messy floor, and here it was. Even in my wildest erotic
dreams I hadn’t imagined having Chitrangada on a messy floor. But here she was
on the floor waiting for me to run over her. Yo Baby, Here I Come. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
THUD!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
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I was on the ground
run over by a swarm of filthy legs and farting asses, mud and sand all over my face;
I was up to life by a barrage of gun shots. When I stood up I was being held at
gunpoint as I watched Chitrangada escorted by an army of police personnel into
her caravan. That selfish bitch didn’t even look at me once before speeding
away in her caravan. It took an hour for some peace to restore and the entire
clamour to settle down. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
“These uncivilized rogues
Vikram, all of them who have come here, don’t know how to behave in an
important rally” So the rally didn’t even happen, just when Chitrangada had
come on to speak the crowd barged on to the field creating a stampede and
disrupting the proceedings. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 113.25pt; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
SIGH!!! What it
also meant was that it was not just the rally which didn’t happen today. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-58018542937444716952013-06-15T05:17:00.001-07:002013-07-18T03:20:13.851-07:00Cash-for-Entry Scam<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This
has to rank amongst the most audacious things ever done by anyone. Atleast by
me. SIGH!!! I let out a huge gasp of relief and after what seemed like an hour
I lifted my head up. The instructions given to me were very clear from the
beginning; at no cost should I lift my head up till I have reached inside. What
I didn’t realize at that point was at no cost included being pointed at by an
AK47 ready to blow your temples off. Anyways now am alive and inside I can
afford to look up and look back at what I have done. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Vikram
just don’t panic and remember to keep looking down no matter what, the rest I
will take care of.” That was all Vijay Singh told me before we started. He held
my hand and took me along. The goddamn dhoti was what I was afraid of; I had
three layers of belt – one around my waist and two around my thighs, two jeans
and three undies beneath the dhoti just to be sure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The
first checkpoint we encountered passed off without an incident; Vijay Singh
seemed to know all of the guards in person who didn’t bother to break their
chai time and signaled us in. Logically there was no reason I should be afraid,
Minister Vijay Singh has been coming here for the last 30 years, before that
his father had been coming here for 50 years, politics was their family
business. Not surprising that he knew all of the people around. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Things
went ahead event-free with the next few checkpoints as well. Majority of them
put a salaam to Singh and continued with their Chai, a few of the points dint even
have guards, a few had guards busy with their rummy sessions, only a few of
them actually rose to talk to him – be it about their promotions, or regarding
when to pick up Singh’s children for school the next day or the grocery items
for his house for the month. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">At
that time I was thinking to myself “Haha, if this is the deal I could have
negotiated for half the price with Vijay Singh”. Just then I was stopped by two
Sardars who could have easily passed off as the Great Khali holding two AK-47s which
were almost my size. Two German Sheperd’s were tied to the post on the sides
that would conveniently be say triple my size or say one-tenth of a Ambani’s
son. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
straight jacketed myself sucking all the air ass-up. I could feel all the
contractions and every bit of my nerve in the lower half of my body. For a
moment it felt like I had succeeded. But I was not fully sure whether I had
managed to hold my uneasiness in bowel movement without any solid output to
show. Vijay Singh pounced in at the right time to avert any further disaster.
He took away one of the Sardars slipped in a 500 Rs note in his pocket and
threw a biscuit packet at the dogs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“I
told you not to panic Vikram when I am here. Saala yeh log naya hai isi liye
humko rukha tha”. The next few checkpoints the same procedure continued – He
would take one of the cops away slip in a 500 Rs note and throw a biscuit
packet at the dogs. But Vijay Singh wouldn’t go unless they gave him a proper salute
at the end of it all and a ceremonious exit arranged for him. How much was it
for him and how much was it for the 500 Rs? But he was least bothered about all
that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">We
had reached the last of the inspection gates; Vijay handed over a KFC burger
and asked me to sit in the corner as he said this one will take time. I was
happy that the ordeal is almost over and I would soon be inside one of the
sacred institutions of the Indian government where only a handful of people in
India would have ever gone into. Which is why I feel very special and
privileged to be..THUD..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The
next moment I had the AK-47 on the back of my head, the burger went tumbling
across over to where the dogs where. They ripped it apart in seconds as it was
their starter and were waiting for the main course bounty. I was soon
surrounded by the other cop who brought the other AK-47 right to my face. Vijay
Singh tried to plead with the cops to let me go but I could see him reach out
for the trigger instead. I squeezed my eyes in as tightly as I could.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">And
it clicked!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There
were no doubts about this one. It was neither solid nor liquid, it was in between.
I could feel the sensation of a semi-solid substance dripping down my thighs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
could afford to laugh about it now but had it not been for Shakila Chechi, the
German Sheperds would have had a Vikram feast for the night. How can a
minister, and that too, a minister of parliamentary affairs be such a big
Chutiyaa? He almost got me killed, that Bastard. He had counted the number of
checkpoints wrong and had 500 Rs less for the last entry. The cops would have
blown my head off hadn’t one of them turned out to be a Mallu. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“The
sad thing, Vikram, is I had to give that new Shakila DVD to that cop. This is
her latest video, and I got it specially sent from the Kerala chief minister”.
His only fucking concern was that his DVD was gone. I had only heard of Shakila
once in my life, when my engineering college roomie from Kerala had posters of
her all across the room. His name was Jibu Joseph Mathew Kuttan. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“Don’t
worry about what happened Vikram – I have transferred those guys already to
Chattisgarh. No one watches what’s happening inside. You can move around as
freely as you want. Enjoy your time Vikram” I paid up the full installment of
5000 Rs to him and he was off. Finally after an hour of adventure with AK-47s
and German Sheperds, I am here inside the PARLIAMENT OF INDIA. Thanks majorly
to Shakila<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The
first look reminded of my engineering college TCS pre-placement talk. A huge
gallery auditorium which had a speaker and a few members dispersed across. And
there seemed to be no placecom to bring in more people here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
was initially skeptical about the anonymity of a stranger like me inside the
Parliament, but, I was pleasantly surprised with the hospitality I received.
The person next to Vijay Singh’s seat welcomed me as if he knew prior about my
arrival. He introduced himself as Panjo Baby Mohanlala Jobimon. He added that
he was from Kerala and he got working on his laptop. As if there was every any
doubt in my mind that he is from any other state of Dubai. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
scanned the entire place once. Not even half the number of people would have
been present at that point of time – many of them were sleeping with their
heads on the table, a few of them were playing temple run, the rest of them
were divided between angry birds and stick cricket. Only a very few like Panjo Baby
Jobimon sitting next to me were doing something productive like working on the
laptop. Whatever you say, these mallus
are one of the most hardworking set of people I have seen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">To
believe this was the Parliament of India, the highest institution of
governance, attended by the elected representatives of the people was the
toughest part for me. And it was after months of hard-work and meeting with the
right contacts that I got in touch with the Vijay Singh for this entry. But
what would you expect if the parliamentary minister is the prime culprit for
selling entry into the parliament to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">From
what I could figure out the motion for passing the food security bill is being
discussed. Every 30 seconds a group of ministers would wake up from whatever
they were doing to clap their desks in approval of the motion, and at the same
time, the remaining set of ministers would boo to express disapproval. Then
they would get back to continue with their more important works. None of them
had any clue as to what was happening in the house. That’s because coming to
the parliament for all these members was just a matter of turning up and
clapping or booing whatever was the order of that day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Panjo
Baby Jobimon, though, was generally uninterested in disruption of the session
and was fully into his work. That’s when I realized the seat number I was
sitting on is 102, which means, the seat next to me is 103. Seat #103. That’s
where Sachin Tendulkar sits. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">“What
are you talking? He will have hundreds of commitments, how can GOD come to the
parliament and all? He has not been able to make it for even a single day.
That’s how busy GOD is.” Panjo Baby was livid when I asked him why Sachin
hasn’t come to the parliament. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">GOD
it seems. Bloody if he is god why the fuck do you bother him with all these
petty things, like nominate him and make him a member of the parliament. This
is the GOD-damn problem here; elevate simple human beings to god-level status
so you become blind and immune to their errors and frailties. The same servile
attitude is prevalent everywhere in life and largely responsible for the
biggest evil of these people - sucking up to the party high command. When will
these people raise their voices?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I
didn’t have to wait long for the answer. There would have been a minimum of hundred
cell phones that rang at the exact same time. The leader of the opposition
party group stood up to announce 3..2..1. At the count of 1, all of them were
inside the well of the house in no time enacting what seemed like a scene from
300. A mix of chairs mikes dhotis flew from end-to-end. Not to be left alone,
the ruling party on this side also joined in. Panjo Baby let rip one of his
slippers right at the crowd and landed exactly on the speakers head. He wasn’t
completed satisfied though. He removed his belt and ran at full speed towards
the opposition, Panjo Baby was least concerned where his Dhoti was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The
entire session of parliament was adjourned for the entire day. It was all part
of their bloody plan. I was the only one with no part to play in any of this. I
silently walked out before someone could rip my Dhoti apart. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">ENTE
MONE Jobimon!!! All this while you were doing..Sigh. Same Shakila. Same DVD. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">These
mallus have to be one of the most HANDWORKING set of people I have seen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-17901589151220008472013-02-07T05:04:00.001-08:002013-02-07T10:53:20.860-08:00The Charms of Street Food<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
There is something about food on the street side that tingles the senses within. A sense of desire, an invitation and a battle of the mind vs. heart. The heart always indicates a want to go, when the mind rules over it. Thanks to the unnecessary sophistication of education, and its emphasis on hygiene. But I know where my heart is, always. Every single time I cross them, they play hell with my blood pressure. Rarely, very rarely, does the heart rule over the mind and I go on to experience the bliss by the road.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
If there is always a sense of deep love for food, then for the street food it is an amorous lust in me. There are no menu cards here, nor a starter bus to the destination. Nor does he care about providing any decent ambience and well-served etiquette. Quiz him about a finger bowl, don't care explain to him, he would most likely sell a lime juice for it and charge you ten bucks for it. I don't get here a foreplay of refined tasting session, nor do I go looking for it. But everytime I get to experience an exasperating journey of a culinary delights that sure leaves me wanting for more..<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
One of the greatest pleasures for me in having stuff by the road is to see him at work.For sure, he doesn't himself back.If there is a moral dilemma between more and less, for him it's always that one spoon extra. Be it the extra Chaat masala, or the chilly or the butter, it's always that little bit exttraaa. And right through the time watching him at work, I work overload to control that irresistible urge to splurge into it. He sure doesn't operate on a fixed recipe book with teaspoons in it, its his hand-eye coordination that works magic. It's mad. It's beautiful.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The kind of ease with which he goes about his profession invariably draws me into it. I ask him to add more (never less huh) onions/chillies as I fantasize it to be, the kind I will never be comfortable asking him to add more olives in a thin crust pizza. If it has no olives, that's HOW it is supposed to be had. But this chotu on the road is all mine, it's like sitting on a plane in the aisle seat, when the person behind has to accept it for what it is. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Also, there is an inverse proportionate ratio I find with the quality of the food with the increasing complexity of the place. Like more the similarities between a Punjabi girl with Anuska Sharma before marriage, more the chances of her becoming a mega version of a Mayawati or a Mamata Di. The farther you take the chotu from his neighours from the sty, the faster he becomes proficient in making the Aloo Chaat a Aloo Jat.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
There is no greater pleasure than having it at where he has been for the last 5 years, and reliving your childhood when you find a small kid from the tuition carrying an ice cream in his left hand scrambles for the coins with his right for a pani puri. And I don't think there is anything truly rewarding if I manage to get the right amount of people for pani puri, so that I don't have to wait too long till my mouth goes dry, or too less that I still haven't let the tamarind starch my tongue. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
And, if there is one meaningful ban in this country, it is by these people of some utterly useless and pleasure threatening items like a bitter gourd or a raddish. They don't give a damn or pretend to even appease anything apart from your taste buds. There's no recipe of it online, there are no manuals of it, every city has a different taste to the same, every day has a different taste to it. It's not an assembly line at work, it's a human appraisal of delight garlanded with an attitude for the flair. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
When was the last time you truly went out to experience street food? It's just the papyrus that has replaced your nickel preventing you do that. Go on for a nice hop across the streets of your city. You will relive and appreciate countless small things which you've grown blind over.<br />
<br />
I just did. Burrrppp</div>
</div>
Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-31887021369594436332013-01-13T06:41:00.000-08:002013-01-13T06:43:28.825-08:00Anushka Sharma vs. Puneeth Rajkumar<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Ever since I wrote the last blog post my life has become a mess, a complete mess..Nowadays people don't need a reason to laugh at me, friends get high and put a conf call at 3 in the morning and ask me whether I am in Sales still and non-stop laugh for 2 hours..Bloody have I become such a big laughing stock like Sachin? Just because he has stopped entertaining them, it's me huh??Damn Chutiyas all of them..<br />
<br />
If my next door kid doesn't eat, his mom threatens her saying "If you don't eat, you will become like that salesman uncle"..His 5 yr old sister runs away everytime on seeing me..How many times to tell her I am not from Delhi? Po dee Po you will only get only a HR job in future..<br />
<br />
My mom who is probably my only source of strength in tough times, said she exactly understand what I was going through in my life and empathized with me..The next day she sends me 5 lungis as birthday gift, and that too those checked mallu type lungis..I mean Lungis just because I am a salesman? The only other place I have seen those lungis was a stupid mallu college dance ..."Ohhh Sexyy Chechi.." Ente mone!!! Just because Shakila Chechi is from Kerala I din't personally go to kill each one of them..<br />
<br />
Fed up of life..Totally..It doesn't happen with my friends in Consulting, IT, or HR (went to the loo puked twice) but only for me salesmen..Ajj if you all are doing proper MBA kinda jobs and I am doing a PUC job..If only I expose you all and what you people do, you'will realize how much deep shit you guys are all in..<br />
<br />
In fact, let me do that only..Once for all, do a naked expose of you all..Weak-hearted people can close the page at this point or read ahead at you own risk..<br />
<br />
<b>Consulting:</b><br />
<br />
The biggest Chutiyas of the lot, definitely without doubt..If only you ask them where they work, with a touch of arrogance and achievement you get the response "Consulting Firm"..Firm it seems, othaaa..Basically, my job requires an in-depth analysis of the procurement of high-class manure from domesticated animals and executing a cost-benefit analysis of in-house development vs outsourcing the needs from a strategic long term objective of meeting the target expectations of 20% ROI in 5 years for a foreign firm.."That word firm only pisses me off..<br />
<br />
That project would be for some Kenyan company who requires some cheap ass cow dung from India..For this these buggers will prepare 150 slide presentation with the recommendation - 'Cow dung is green in colour, so its a natural product"..Do you people know that your client will never read that report or you make the report knowing that only?<br />
<br />
Why do you need to wear suits for this you tell me? And inside that Red colour Rupa Frontline Banian..Aiyoo Aiyoo..Enda little bit class also you people don't know aah da?<br />
<br />
There is a line where truth ends and your insulting begins..<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>IT:</b><br />
<br />
<br />
Fellow brothers are the most humble of the entire lot..In fact, you don't even need to provoke them, just ask them about their jobs and you will be sponsored 7 RC large, 2 Antiquity Blue and 1 BP..If only you can listen to their stories about how they had a manage 5 emails at the same time, talk to an on-site client at 8 in the morning, and how he is one of the 1000 critical resources for the project..Young talented Rahane kind of people constantly waiting for some 35 yr old's to retire..And those people in their companies are not even like Sachin who retires when the time is right, plus or plus 5 years..<br />
<br />
Although the general chutiya ratings of these people are lower than other jobs, there is a small clan of people in IT who calls themselves as IT consultants, thereby increasing their CC (Chutiya Count) to a higher side..The moment people tries to use consultancy to their roles, their CC automatically goes up and when they call themselves working in a firm it goes to a higher pitch than our Yo Yo Singhhu...<br />
<br />
If not for a minority set of IT consultants, this clan has wonderfully grounded set of people, that they travel only Kingfisher..They also acknowledge the fact that SHIT happens..I'm Sorry..IT happens..<br />
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<b>HR:</b><br />
<br />
Contrary to what people might think, HR is one of the most important set of people..(Computer hangs up for 2 hours, infected with unobjectionable content which was entered) I mean the other day, when my fan wasn't working, they set it right, They announce all the festivals in different innovative colors, pass on lunch coupons to employees, arrange hotel/travel arrangements, organize new unheard of games like Dumb-C on Fun Fridays..Sometimes they also have blinking letters in mails, which I feel is a wonderful way to break out of the clutter of emails..<br />
<br />
To think that a function has such cross-functional requirements and requires such diverse skill-sets, and to excel at it is beyond me..Respect Plain Respect..(Not for the bloody guys who spoil the sanctity of that skill sets that role demands..I can understand girls have that dumbness in them, but why you da??)<br />
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<br />
Now only happy..Sigh..Take it bloody all for all the laughing..Run and hide your face, but where will you guys go..If my sales brethern are given a massage by Anushka Sharma in a third rate village, you get served porridge spoon fed by Puneeth Rajkumar in a five star hotel..Haha take that on your face..</div>
Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-39047772348305820272012-12-16T06:39:00.000-08:002012-12-16T06:56:50.423-08:00The Biggest Predicament of my Life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Oh Mom How I wish I could explain to you..But I am really not able to put in to words what I am going through, if only I could I would've given a brilliant oration like an Indian PM..Sorry Mom, I have tried just that I am not able to sometimes tell you..<br />
<br />
What I am dealing with here on a daily basis is intense pressure and scrutiny from my Mom..After all, I am not even playing a team game not moving my NPA (Non-Performing Ass) and sending a mob to quell people who think that SRT actually stands for yeS ReTire, nor am I doing anything hideous and getting spoilt by watching Puneet Rajkumar's movies just beacuse I am in Karnataka (Actually mom, I think the only people who can watch his face or his nose are those poor people who use it as a placebo to develop a dislike for food)<br />
<br />
My problem is very simple. Everytime my Mom asks me to explain what I do for work I am not able to offer her a satiable explanation. She is disappointed and I am heart-broken unable to do broker a peace deal between us.. I am really in a fix..I look back at my last month recounting my Sales life to see if I can figure out a way to solve this important life problem..<br />
<br />
<b>Day 1:</b><br />
<br />
Got my targets for the month..Insane growth figures and Chutiya type expectations..My boss expects a 20% growth over last month..I tried explaining my boss about how it is not possible to do that this month..He says 'Can't' isn't a word in his dictionary..(Blatant Lie Mom I checked all the dictionariesavailable in the market)..<br />
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If I tell him anything more he will say "I have been in this industry from 1989 and I have been here for 23 years now.." Sigh..Bloody hate all these 39 year olds who refuse to listen to public opinion..Should immediately pass a bill to remove all 39 yr olds in any system..<br />
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<b>Day 4:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
How do I explain to you Mom that the bill didn't pass because of a single MP in Rajya Sabha? You'll just not understand..You will say pray to God, everything will be alright..How do I tell you that God only didn't let it happen..If I tell you this, you'll say "#SivaX2 AbacharamX2" and shouldn't talk like that about God..But how do I...? Leave it Mom<br />
<br />
<b>Day 9:</b><br />
<br />
You're asking me about the important client I had to meet..I really wanted to tell you about this..He purchases half the month's sales and many say he decides the real post of a manager in this territory..A Sonia Gandhi-MMS relationship..Aiyoo Amma I am not watching any MMS and that too of Sonia Gandhi..By MMS I meant Manmohan Singh..This is why maa I don't tell you anything..<br />
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Anyways I went to meet him today in the new Van Huesen shirt you got me in a bus which had a few men, women and 100 chicks..Again Mom again, don't think like that these are the small yellow ones I am talking about..I was travelling like a SRK in Swades to meet this kingpin..<br />
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You won't believe it Mom, all the while I was talking to him he just sat there and kept digging his nose..However hard I tried to take non-cognizance of the fact, that bloody bugger thought as if he is digging a borewell for water. After a point he stopped it and he inserted his hand into his banian (Yes Mom, he was wearing a Banian for our business meet) and was scratching his armpits..After that he is offering Dhokla's to eat with that same hand..<br />
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His name btw was Chandi..people fondly call him Chandi da..A Marwari settled in Calcutta and before migrating here..One thing you tell me Mom, no Marwaris never stay in Rajasthan huh? And bloody how do they have so much money?<br />
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These Marwaris are definitely the Jews of India..Thank God Hitler wasn't an Indian..Imagine Mom what would have happened..Thank God..Lives of so many good looking girls saved..And Guys too, of course if not for those Marwari Uday Chopra look alikes how will we have Pani Puri in Chennai kinda places..<br />
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How do I explain to you when you ask How the business meet went? How Mom how?<br />
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<b>Day 15:</b><br />
<br />
Got a call from my manager who blasted me for my performance till now..When asked how does he expect me to do the targets he says " I have to push myself hard, push the team, push push is the only mantra.." and cut the call..Bloody as if he had given a Bhagavad Gita on the Kurukshetra battlefield..<br />
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Just because he has a twin within a year of marriage, bloody he is giving me lectures..<br />
<br />
Mom how do I explain pushing to you? How do I do it?<br />
<br />
<b>Day 23:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Had to travel to a town called Ranikuthi today..Mom how do I even tell you the name? But that is the name of the place..I don't even know if any self-esteemed Tamilian will even spell the name of the place..You would disown me if you even hear this, that is why I told you I didn;t goto work today..Pls understand Mom<br />
<br />
This place Ranikuthi doesn't have a single 5 star hotel..I mean not even a single 5-star hotel for a population of 1 lac people..Not that I am ever going to stay in one, but the other day I went to Gurgaon they have atleast 20 5-star hotels for a population of 1000 people and 1 lac pigs..Just fascinating Mom how diametric is India's growth..Again if I tell you this, you will ask me how can 1000 people live with 1 lac pigs..But when I don't have the answers why to tell the story in the first place..<br />
<br />
So, I put myself in the costliest 200 Rs hotel in Ranikuthi..It seems that is the hotel most preferred by the salesmen in that town..My targets are going way off planning because of huge dumping of stocks in the last month by the previous guy..I am literally tired of this word "Dumping"..Everywhere Everyone says dump the goods..Bloody No hygiene at all in the system..I will set it right mom believe me I will..<br />
<br />
Should have been careful when they said it was a hotel preferred by salesmen..Some serious dumping had happened in the loo..Ran out at full speed to a nearby hotel for some water and air..Board displays - Today's Special.."DUMPLINGS"..<br />
<br />
Mom you will only scold me if I tell you that I didn't eat that day that is why Mom I din't tell you anything that day when you called..<br />
<br />
<b>Day 30:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
The Allen Solly's are useless..I was asked to give two soaps today in the store..Burnt the shirt..How do I tell you that?<br />
<br />
<b>Day 31:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I want to tell you that I met my month's targets but if you ask me how How on earth do I tell you we pumped the goods into a shop..I am ethical Amma I don't Dump, I am your Son..<br />
<br />
Please understand When I tell you "I'm doing well" and let things stay that way between us..<br />
<br />
Love you Mom!!!</div>
Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-21490624859446694402012-12-12T12:23:00.000-08:002012-12-12T20:51:20.057-08:00A lovely present to the romantic past?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Is looking back at your past a really fruitless exercise as we constantly keep hearing? Or Is it an hapless action reserved for the lazy old agers? How much I don't know the answer for those questions but I do know people who emphasize that they don't do the above are a bunch hypocrites travelling the first class. A person who doesn't keep memories of his past (physical and emotional) are those ones who are just plain incapable of it. Living in the present is just a myth - a beautiful colored capsule taken by people to paint a mirage of a rainbow to say you lead a happy today. Or that's how it seems for me.<br />
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Invariably when I bide my time to clutter free of the present day clutter, I dig deep to my forgotten moments of nostalgia for that serene peace. And most of times, it's a rapid chemical reaction of hundreds of happy hormones across my body. Probably it's just the rejuvenation of an imaginary younger me, however much I try to avoid that thought to cram into me. As I escape the humdrums of the uncertain present and safely ensconce myself into a known script, it's just fabulously surprising to believe your mind actually craves for is Not a Sehwag but a solid Dravid. </div>
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Shoulder length curled-up hair of the bard you played in school, with the innocence through the entire script worried about the journey and never about the applause at the end. Or when I suddenly get transported to smell the perfume of the silken hair of the girl as you bend your knees behind her in the attendance line, when you get pulled out for disobedience. The scent of Mangal Pandey bravado you put on for defying orders outweigh the unrealized humiliation. Sometimes I get drawn into the innocent splendor of moments which led up to a first kiss, and the knighthood obtained after it in narrating it to inquisitive friends.</div>
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The symphony and the orchestration you just picked up from the BSB's and how you hummed the loudly enough to make sure Karthik knew it was an English song. Sometimes, the little diary entries I used to maintain, before double checking on the latch of your parents room and write down "I Love You ...", quickly running across for water to the kitchen. Settling your goosebumps is the definite purpose, settling a sudden uprising and an altercation of nerves between your legs due to that bout of romance is an unintended consequence.</div>
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Or the journey you take to an uninhibited corner under a tree of eternal darkness to set fire to the little devil in your mouth for a minute, with clamouring friends jumping in line for their little moment of ecstasy. Not to forget the airs with which the monk who taught you is looked down up once you tame a black dog. And to go with the expert inferences on intoxication and the nonchalance in spelling out your favorite cuisine as "The liquids of Scotland".</div>
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<br /></div>
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Screeeeech...Rams my head into the front seat of a woman just missing her err..shoulders. That's how suddenly the present plays spoilsport into my adulterated trance I get living through a Bergkamp's goal and the classroom fights I would have had thence. The bloody driver slams the brake hard on my dreams. Kannagi constantly keeps casting a suspicious eye on me, on an another day, on an another day gone by, long gone by, I would have been sitting on her lap..Oh how do I stop thinking about the glorious gone-byes?</div>
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The Future is built, The past is pride..And ain't this wonderful present a lovely present to the romantic past?</div>
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Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-65395984282100965202012-11-18T06:55:00.004-08:002012-11-18T07:04:01.693-08:00Nostalgic Account of A Forgotten Love<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Delhi is definitely a city which stirs the senses in you. Right from its charming and buzzing streets to the historical cities which actually make Delhi, there's enough for the romantics to soak in over here. I spent the last week rustling across the various monuments in the city, each one of them has a story to tell about the plundering inflicted on it right from the Lodhis to the Mughals to the British. However, you invariably get your blood seething only when you hear about the British. Inspite of the fact that the empire is a very distant memory, and the fact that an Indian team under Aamir has defeated the Poms, a tinge of revoked history spurred in a sense of nationalism and revenge in me. Promptly blocked the weekend for the India-England series, I was taken through a romantic ride through the past.<br />
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<br /></div>
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My first vivid memory of cricket would be around the time I was 6 and a man who you might have easily mistaken for being a college professor with his pristine dressing and aristocratic looks took 6-14 against the West Indies in Hero cup. Anil Kumble used to wear spectacles then, Kambli had nice french beard, Sachin had curly hair and had some secret energy and Prabhakar used to wear colorful wrist bands. From then on, cricket was not a sport I followed, it was a journey I lived. Roughly around the same time, there was a match (Don't remember the exact details) held in Bangalore when Srinath and Kumble had to score some 20 odd runs, when they showed Srinath's mom praying in the crowds. The tension was too much for this little kid in me, I ran to the prayer hall for the last over only to return after we won the match with a final ball 4. India won the match that day not because of Srinath, but for me it was my little prayer I did. I had never believed in God more. </div>
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In those days, India used to lose more than they used to win, so more of times used to be in despair than in joy. So the early morning next day, used to open the papers from the last (The practice has stayed with me till date !!!) to see if the match I saw yesterday was just in my dreams, and used to total the scoreboards just in case to check if there was a mistake. Never could I write a letter to the Editor, but my smart dad made me total it twice everyday just in case I might find an error the second time. Then the came the 1996 WC held in India, my school never seemed longer in anticipation of the bolt-run back home. During the lunch, snacks, and in the 5 mins between periods invariably used to dash across to the friendly watchman who had a transistor with him. Remember when we used to take turns in asking permission for loo ("...Miss Miss I am getting ... (and the pinky goes up) make the quick dash to the guard, and circulate the scores in a chit of paper across the class. The 1996 WC was the first time I saw cricket at a global scale with hundreds of players, colored clothing, floodlights, and countless lunch-time games right from the correctly naming WPUCJ Vaas' name to the score Sachin made in the match against Australia in the Group Stages..(if I remember right he made 137 and was out caught and bowled)..That WC was joyish schoolboyish fun left me with wonderful moments Brian Lara's century against SA, Ajay Jadeja's knock against Pakistan WC, the Aus-WI semifinal innings of Bevan. In hindsight, I hold Calcutta culpable for the Semi's but I very well know had I been there what I would have done. Kambli wasn't the only one who cried that day..</div>
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I grew up with more cricket, and absolutely no cartoons, comics or movies (I still feel the pinch when I try to pick up a conversation with girls) but I had a CDMA TV set with only ESPN on it (which used to include matches, Harsha's pre and post match analysis and ESPN School Olympiad on non-match days). Hatred for Pakistan developed when I knew no history about our neighbours or the horrors of partition but when I knew villains No.1 Aaqib Javed, No.2 Razzaq and No.3 Saqlain were from there. The 5-16 by Saurav at Toronto cup was a match I missed due to sleep and haven't cursed myself more doing that. I should have probably missed the Asia Cup Shoaib's consecutive yorkers which I didn't, what will I give to trade those two..Lord's, Eden's, MCG I had seen cricket everywhere but my Mecca of cricket was always Sharjah and its 4 o clock starts (It always seemed matches used to start only after I come back home). The two Sachin classics to make India qualify and win the tourney, with the desert storm in between, the car ride after the presentation and Tony Greig's commentary (I still remember this "What a player...What a wonderful player after Sachin's straight six echo in my head) was the nearest I had come to experiencing magic in sports. It was as if the Mozart had been born again to perform two of his best symphonies live in Sharjah. No desert has ever tasted sweeter till now in my life, and I doubt any ever will.</div>
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He was no Mozart, but Warne was more than a wizard. Hardly a few instances in my life I can recount when the actual event has lived up to the expectations of the massive buildup to it, but this one series of Aus-Ind in 1997 exceeded every bit of it. Sachin's dismissal in first innings, then his 150 in the second, along with Sidhu and Mongia's class, this series was more about seeing Shane Warne and his antics of pulling up his shirt take a stick in his face rather than India winning for me. Chennai has always produced classics, and so it did when Pakistan came down to India and India lost the test match after brilliance by Sachin and Mongia. I think I was matured enough by then, and this time I would have given wonderful ovation that Chennai crowd gave after the test, had I been there at the stadium. And I still wonder whether Wasim Akram the last man to get out in Kumble's 10 for din't get out to Srinath fearing for his life. </div>
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If you have to tell fables of cricket stories and did your very best at it, still the best wouldn't have been 10% of what was witnessed in the 2001 India Oz Series. There was a revival around this time with India just out of the match fixing scandal, and this was the team which probably had lots of personalities and style associated to it. There was Charisma in Sourav, Grit in Dravid, Class in Sachin, Passion in Bhajji, Perseverance in Kumble. This wasn't a team of players, it was a team of living role models, for once India served a well-made Indian Thali to all the teams. India's ascent to its glory days started around then. Looking at the 2003 WC and reflecting on India's loss in the final would be gross injustice to one of the most admirable journeys of team spirit displayed by an Indian team. The culmination to that journey happened though not in Jo'burg but in Adelaide. I didn't need an alarm now to get up at 5.30 in the mornings then, for during that series I won my battle against Snooze. This to me was more special than the 2001 match just for the fact that we did it in conditions where we used to lose matches in mid-journey to Australia in the previous tours. Rahul Dravid added an another hue to his magnificent rainbow he was painting in Indian colors. He would add to it further in Rawalpindi and Leeds latter. Dravid and Kumble both of them gave grit a good name and perseverance an admirable trait to imbibe. </div>
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<br /></div>
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It was roughly around this time in 2004 that I graduated from school and college and also from my boyish fanaticism of Indian cricket and underwent a metamorphism to a matured lover of the cricket sport. I also flirted with many other sports like F1, Tennis, Basketball, Football. Even though I follow a few of those sports keenly now, I can never say "Kimi should have taken a left turn in the second gear across the champions wall opening up his DRS" as I confidently say "That's sliding down leg-side on live TV when an appeal is made". Cricket is not for the time I see it on field, all the nostalgic memories I have had with it make it an unforgettable first love for me..</div>
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So what if the Britishers have taken the Kohinoor from us, they have left the Cricket diamond for us !!! </div>
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Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-24853891392150967642012-07-08T03:40:00.003-07:002012-07-08T03:41:07.544-07:005 year plan - Approved<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It's been a long time since I went high..<br />
A sober time served the crude reality that I am twenty-five..<br />
Fulfillment of my dreams doesn't seem nigh..<br />
Penning the bucket list to heave a sigh!!!<br />
Here's what I would love in the next five..<br />
<br />
Booze, babes certainly guarantees a ball..<br />
<br />
Top on my calender in the 2014 fall<br />
To be at land of Samba cheering for the Dutch..<br />
What will I give to get a Brazilian hitch<br />
<br />
Let the BMW's and the Harley's wait..<br />
All I want to do is to take up the bait<br />
In a marathon should I run..<br />
Crossing the line would be serious fun<br />
<br />
I will jog for a mile even in the morning fog..<br />
Please you belly stay away even if I hog<br />
Even let a Baba Ramdev MMS scandal befall<br />
I don't have the heart to handle a hairfall<br />
<br />
Thinking of it makes me get real fidgety..<br />
Will get one up on you damn Bungee!!!<br />
One journey to the Poker table in Vegas..<br />
Accompanied by Rainman would be kick-ass!!!<br />
<br />
Don't think I have made it large as yet.. <br />
Bike trip to Ladakh would be the best bet<br />
As happy and content I am with these<br />
The road ahead doesn't look to wind down with ease<br />
Mom and Dad, please give me some time for these!!! <br />
<br />
<br />
To cork a poor guy's future life of its little holes<br />
Is there a better way to heaven for you holy souls?<br />
As the coffers cry for the sound of a metal..<br />
Mani's 5-yr corpus fund eagerly awaits your nickel..</div>Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-58977338845325338072012-05-18T04:19:00.000-07:002012-05-18T04:19:10.971-07:00The week that was...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The most beautiful thing about sport is the thrill and excitement it gives you sending your heartbeats to levels higher than Gayle's sixes. It has so captivated my time that I effortlessly switched between a 'I don't want the title tussle' till the last moment between Manchester teams, 'I'm at better at this merry-go-round' F1 race and watching the display of amazing consistency and professionalism in losing by Deccan in IPL, when disaster strcuk.<br />
<br />
I had just read the other day that cricket commentary was born in 1961, I'm sure it went on its deathbed when Sidhu entered in 2001, now in 2011 when Danny Morrison entering the comm box it has completely been burnt down and cremated a Gayle's six length deep into the ground. I'm sure if India TV conduct's a sting operation they will find Danny watching porn instead of cricket, not sure if even actors in that would have so much feelings (Knowing that it is this easy, we might even find our BJP MPs entering comm box in the future). So, when Danny (Is he the brother or agent of Sunny ??) and said 'Sachin hit the sweet spot and banged the ball effortlessly in the gap", I couldn't take it anymore in front of parents..Switched the channels to follow what's on around in India..<br />
<br />
National:<br />
<br />
# A. Raja released on bail in the 2G case, on a surety of 20 lakhs.<br />
<br />
Former telecom minister Raja has appealed to the supreme court to look into the surety amount of Rs. 20 lakhs. He feels it is highly unfair on him given the prevailing economic conditions. He reasons out the expenses of him having to book an Air India flight, and on its cancellation the booking of another last minute flight to Switzerland, completing his clearances to withdraw money from his swiss bank account where the minimum denomination is crores a paltry sum of lakhs and added to it the cost of foreign exchange, will surely work out more than the demanded surety sum of 20 lakhs. He has pleaded with the court citing his poor family income to reconsider the amount.<br />
<br />
He also entered the parliament for the zeroth hour, and inquired well being of his friends and was unhappy that his fellow MPs did not plan a vacation to the family guest house in Tihar.<br />
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# Ambedkar's cartoon row send parliament into a frenzy, all cartoons removed from NCERT books<br />
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Following the row on the depiction of Ambedkar's cartoon implying the snail's pace in which the constitution was framed, Tortoise In Today's Society, fancily calling themselves TITS, has moved the court saying the depiction of the Tortoise as "slow" in childhood's story is highly demeaning to the animal. Speaking of which, TITS brand ambassador, Ms. Leone has promised that the organization will approach the PM as they find him a considerate man in understanding the Tortoise's plight.<br />
<br />
Economy:<br />
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# Rupee declines to all-time low<br />
<br />
The decline of the rupee has opened unlimited job opportunities in the country. Speaking to the owner of Manmohan waste paper mart, he has said that there has been a huge spurge in people across the country throwing away kilos and kilos of waste paper. He has requested the government to print the currency a little bigger and photos of other celebrities as there is a demand for color posters among the youth.<br />
<br />
Sport:<br />
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# SRK enters into a fracas with security staff at the Wankhede<br />
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SRK is likely to be banned by the Mumbai cricket association, for his fist fight with the security staff. SRK insists that he just called out the guard's name Vikram and the guard got offended for it. Defending his actions, SRK has said, as a owner of KKR, it's only apt that I called him Bikram and his son as Birat. Arnab Goswami held a discussion on this issue of national importance the very same day.<br />
<br />
Finally landed up with Set Max again, and goddamn Danny is still at it.."You betcha, another DLF Maximum 'FIX'.." For once Danny boy, you were right..</div>Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-44349831162683264262012-05-10T12:03:00.001-07:002012-05-10T12:03:23.017-07:00The week that was in India...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
As I sat 'Fevikwick' glued to 'LG' television all day long 'Timex' watching live telecast of DLF IPL seeing 'Aircel' ABD, 'Vodafone' Virender, 'Karbonn Kamaal' KKR, little did I realize that I had been unaware of the happenings around me in 'Incredible' India. Talking to a few of my 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S' friends and finding them to be of the same plight, I browsed through the happenings across the country over the past week for the benefit of many. Here's a dose of quicky bytes of the major talking points of the country over the past 'Dabur Chywanprash' week in a non-partisan 'BJP' view reporting only the 'Bible' truth. <div>
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National :</div>
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# More than 100 Air India pilots report sick, flights cancelled</div>
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Various vaasthu and numerology experts feel that changing the name of Air India to Ground India would help the Maharaja airlines. Also they have suggested a small bowl to be added along with the Maharaja in the logo, so he can directly beg from people. </div>
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Prime Minister MMS has remained silent on this issue. </div>
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# President Patil on a month long official trip along with grandchildren to Mauritius, Maldives and ....</div>
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Mauritius and Maldives government have expressed deep gratitude to the president for single handedly developing tourism and surging their GDPs to top of the world. Census data recorded during the last week has reported a dip of 2% in India's population. This has been the most successful president term ever served and the UPA is planning to nominate Patil for a second term if she plans to come back to India. </div>
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Prime Minister MMS was unavailable to comment on this issue. </div>
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International: </div>
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# Hillary Clinton visits India</div>
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The government has conferred the highest possible award to a foreign woman national in an act which is sure to strengthen India-US ties. Having run out of titles with Behenji, Didi, Amma taken up already, government has conferred a prestigious title to Ms. Clinton. Speaking of which Ms. Clinton said she was very proud to be hence known as the "Biwi" of India. </div>
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PM Mr. Singh just let his eyes speak on this extremely emotional ceremony. </div>
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# Hollande elected France president</div>
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Opposition parties have criticized the government for letting Hollande to be the president of France. VHP, RSS and the BJP have accused that it is part of the master plan of the UPA government to nominate Pakistan as the president of India. When asked to comment on the above issue, Aamir Khan wiped off the tears from his eyes and said "Satyamev Jayate". </div>
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Prime Minister Manmohan has declined to indulge in affairs of other countries and has remained quiet. </div>
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Sport:</div>
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# Sachin nominated as Rajya Sabha MP</div>
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Asked on his immediate plans, he has hinted on the idea of passing a bill by which 50% of the runs made by all the batsmen in a match would be counted in Sachin's score under the Right to Score Act. On being asked whether this was a selfish motive, he said " We all are Mumbai Indians. No one has the right to ask me when I will retire."</div>
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Elsewhere, in the IPL, Andhra broke out in a frenzy and welcomed the Deccan team home to a red carpet appreciation after they won the last position in the IPL table by a comfortable margin. Asked to comment on it, captain Sanga has said " We are always fully charged to face difficulties and that has been the key this year."</div>
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On these issues, PM has not spoken a word as his favorite sport happens to be hockey. </div>
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However, caught on a secret spy cam in PM's prayer room by the THE Arnab Goswami's Times Now, I can assure you all that our PM has not lost his silken voice and with utter devotion he carried on his prayers to Soniaji and Rahulji. </div>
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That was the round-up of the past week 'Nokia-Connecting People' people. </div>
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</div>Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-65751218873940294732012-04-10T11:04:00.000-07:002012-04-10T11:04:20.167-07:00My Salute to the Greatest Man I've Ever Known<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">If you've been abreast of the happenings around the college over the last one month, as I have been keenly following then you might have noticed the crippling issue we all had to deal with. Yes, friends, I am referring to this issue of students passing out year after year and the insurmountable burden which it puts on fellow students (friends, haters, seniors, juniors included). It looks like just two years before I entered this college and alas, here I am, out of it, and so are all of my friends. This happened in my engineering days too, except for one dear soul who decided not to trouble others by not passing out..Bloody, everyone in this MBA is ambitious and want to pass put every year. This trend isn't going to change and the problem I am referring to has become the most important in a student's life (Now that India doesn't have any overseas tour for the next two years).<br />
<br />
How do we keep on writing hundreds of words of exalted praise of so many of them when these goddamn bloody fellows decide to pass out all at the same time?<br />
<br />
This is an exceptionally daunting task at the fag end of your college life, making you unsure of your degree and also the sleepless nights you will have at the end. What bloody good adjective should I use for the 5th goddamn guy when the entire vocabulary of adjectives I have learnt just has Ass, Bastard, Fucker, Bitch..And that too after spending reams of paper writing for one adjacent to your room, only to find the person across the room deleting what he has written for you.. Utter chaos and despair<br />
<br />
Relax friends, This soul has done all the weightlifting for you and has come up with this masterpiece generic testimonial which sure can be used for all class of people irrespective of sex, weight, height, age and experience. All you have to do is insert the name and tweak it here and there by ctrl+X the first lines of a para and ctrl+V at the end of the para. For all practical purposes, I have used a fictional name which is as use and throw as it can get. I can assure that people are too boastful and unmindful to point out similar content for others, as long as they find a few good lines for them. Or for people like me, as long as they find a few lines for them at all.<br />
<br />
Trust in me. This strategy is foolproof.<br />
<br />
Guhareilya Ratharao Mishkhan: A Trure Legend<br />
<br />
The first time I saw him, I knew that he had it in him all it takes to achieve greatness in college life. His scores were impressive, although he had got through the college seat by slipping in money through one father to an other, his academic record till standard X was excellent. He had topped the class in every single test that was ever held save for one where the test was cancelled due to a wet pitch. Ranked first in every single test when there was grade system in practice - No wonder his resume was shortlisted for every company.<br />
<br />
Ratharao was an extremely focused chap in life and it was always his dream from childhood to become an MBA. So singular was his focus in life that all his life he had worked only towards what is required to get a MBA admission. Not all was rosy in his life, he met with numerous obstacles the kind of stuff any other person would have wilted on handling. His first failure came after class XII, when he was denied a seat to do medical, any other person would have got dejected but not Ratharoa, sat at home for a whole year simultaneously preparing for medical exams and CA. Day before the results were due, Ratharoa didn't give away to emotions and decided to pursue what he had dreamed for all his life - to become a MBA. So objective and focused was he even at this young age, that he didn't even check the results of both the exams, in which only a single candidate had failed in India.<br />
<br />
First day of college and classes in college, he was up well before 7 o clock for the 9 a.m class. A highly devout and seriously religious person, Guhareliya had started his bhakthi sessions along with an old monk on the very first morning. Word soon got around about this extremely resourceful person and he never said no to anyone who came in for knowledge transfer. He never compromised on his sessions even for a single day, a rationalist that he is and a strong advocate of inter-religious harmony, he used to pray twice on fridays in line with traditions of two religions. I still remember the day when Guhareliya was down but was never out drew on his last powers of energy on a Good Friday, even a day of limping around didn't deter him from maintaining his regime. Life would never be the same again for people associated with Guhareliya.<br />
<br />
By the time, he came into the second year, Mishkhan was primed for greatness in the management field. He knew everything about BC-MC matrix in marketing to movable/immovable assets in finance to pest analysis affecting grass/weed cultivation in strategy. What undid Mishkhan on his path to greatness in his first year is till hazy, but when he returned in the second year after he completed his summer break, his path to greatness was well on its way. Highlights of his activities in the second year included his single-handed negotiations in successfully bringing the CEOs of OM and KaluVariety stores, Pintu and Kalu Bhaina to head the 3 day pan-walmart conference held at an open field inside XIMB, heavily guarded by security 24 hrs a day with the assistance of the newly fitted camera. Folklore has it that Mishkhan managed this event on a shoestring budget, left at one point without enough funds to provide transportation for the chief guests ended up piggybacking the guests all the way to the conference arena. The event was a resounding success with hospitality sponsors - Sanjay Bhaina, media partners - XIMB Combined Notice board and Audio Sponsors - Monty. The event witnessed a record attendance of 3 and a hundred students at the JLT which took place post the conference. No wonder the BC-MC song of the night was dedicated to Mishkhan.<br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">All good things have to come to and end and unfortunately this legend Guhareilya Ratharao Mishkhan's time had also come. Whole college had come in for the convocation to witness this historic event of the passing out of this legend. The end was nigh, and Guhareilya Ratharao Mishkhan's name was called out to receive the degree. He went up on stage, grabbed the mike and announced to the world..</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">"<span style="font-family: arial, verdana; font-size: 12px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">When you are at the top, you should serve the college. When I feel I am not in a frame of mind to contribute tothe college, that's when I should retire not when somebody says. That's a selfish statement that one should retire on top.."</span></div><span style="font-family: arial, verdana; font-size: 12px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</span><br />
<div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="text-align: left;">With these words, he walked away to a standing ovation, where not one person could hide their tears..</span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="text-align: left;">What a man...</span></div></div>Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-41473595306153452412012-02-25T06:28:00.000-08:002012-02-25T06:28:30.740-08:00Oh please, Will you stop this bullshit ?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">The other day while watching one of the most nicely made movies I have seen, Taare Zameen Par, my eyes welling up even long after the movie was done, a question struck me. What made poor Ishaan transform himself from a dud in the span of less than a year? Whilst looking away all the cinematic considerations of the hero Aamir having to be the messiah, working long hours with the kid and eventually working magic through his care and affection taking a lot of screen space, there are a few minutes of reel space which I feel actually tell the true story of the kid. It starts off with varying success stories pointed out by Aamir, finally giving the kid the confidence to shy away from his losing mentality he was accustomed to, ends up making a model boat. What follows is like a piece of rainbow emerging out of a dark sky, the kid for the first time experiences stardom, an applause, an awe of look from people around him and in short - success. The movie leads up to an scintillating climax, where the stage gets bigger, the audience gets bigger, and the kid on winning experiences a success which got bigger.<br />
<br />
Beats me so hard when I think of why success is often mocked at? and why is there a needless powershift glorifying failure as the best learning tool? Success helps you gain acceptance from people around you, there is no way your voice is going to be heard if you are an eternal failure. Like how it happened in the movie, Ishaan on his success was slowly accepted in his own circle. And there are these numerous confidence glorifying messages, but confidence leaves us with a classical chicken-egg scenario. Do you get success because of the confidence, or are you confident because of your success? Or the other allegation which is always leveled against Success - Success ain't that important you know. Ain't it an universal fact that everyone feels good about success more than a failure? Success is bloody god damn important at least for the simple fact that it makes you feel good, if not anything. <br />
<br />
Well well, why then this success being made a less better teacher than failure? One reason I can think of is - this success is elusive and invariably everyone is going to experience more failures than success. So it does make sense for motivators to glorify these failures as learning lessons. Makes sense!!! And also there is this fear of the blinkered vision of people only looking at the end and not enjoying the wonderful journey. If in case, the end success is not met, one ends up cursing the entire path taken. A curse to watch out for, but definitely doesn't put a case stronger for having to glorify failure. Too much of this happening around out here!!!<br />
<br />
Aren't we all hypocrites enough? When we all know that success is better than a damned failure, that success gives more joy than a doomed failure, why all this hypocritical failure praising? It's so damn similar to another hypocritical thought I keep hearing all around that money is not important for me. Oh!! Come on, you all know how much you require money to satiate your needs. There is just this too much of negative publicity for success/money alike. The question is are you scared of losing your way in quest for success/money or are you scared of handling success/money or do you just don't have it in you to go for success/money? Think deep and all our answers are the same, but our hypocritical mouth won't voice it out.<br />
<br />
There is a lesson to be learnt in failure, no doubt, but there are much better lessons you get through an euphoria of your success. The quest won't be far if you can just break up your life to enjoy little moments of success, which can be aspired for. Don't go around doing this success bashing, be a pragmatist, we all know the truth!!! Dhirubhai Ambani once aptly put it this way " I hear a lot of people saying money is not important, but I would like them to earn that much money to tell that it is not important.." Be a successful person before you can comment on failures, and to be one I feel we need to go around in search of Success - Be it small. It is after all this Success which will give you the confidence to face your numerous failures !!!<br />
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P.S: More the likes, more the shares will be my little success here :)</div>Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-84856466881806704322012-01-12T10:58:00.000-08:002012-01-12T10:58:01.784-08:00Around the world in 79!!!!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Hello readers , its me again,<br />
for a change it aint sorrow or pain !!!<br />
I'm to marvel the world around me,<br />
i dunno where to start ... A B or C...<br />
<br />
As the sun greets the sand,<br />
as the sea wakes up ,<br />
as the wind steers the ship big and small ,<br />
my imagination begins to crawl...<br />
<br />
Thank you Lord im in Indian sand,<br />
strife , yet a peaceful land!!<br />
I wish to migrate to the chinese wee,<br />
learn their crafts , savour thier tea!!<br />
<br />
off i go to the island Japan,<br />
wealth of a craft , shrunk in a pan !!!<br />
not to mention the mount fiji,<br />
i haven forgotten my pav baaji!!!<br />
<br />
Aussie land and the koala bear ,<br />
my dreams dontland me there !!!<br />
but i guess i ll make t there ,<br />
my dreams???, bah!! i really dont care <br />
<br />
off to europe , the swedish alps,<br />
the italian women , andthe french winee......<br />
the english villa and the finnish siness!!!<br />
<br />
sign off in America , the land of dreams,<br />
BEER,BIRD, BIKES!!!!ah dreams!!!<br />
<br />
I wish , these all were mine!!!<br />
around the world,<br />
before i turn 79!!!!</div>Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-60081315490383681802011-12-20T12:33:00.000-08:002011-12-20T12:33:02.636-08:00On Cloud Nine!!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">When the mind doesn’t listen what the heart says and when one loses physical control of himself accentuated by a boring professor that is when you get into a trance. Your eyes close off although you know it should not. Slowly, you go on to lose your senses intoxicated by your newfound ecstasy of sleep and transform into a fantasy world of an extensive blue palette and staccato of white patches. Phattt hits a chalk on your head and zooms you into the real life, the next moment you’re caned. Damn those clouds they are ruining my life. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">Clouds were a fantasy, a world which is surreal and which was a no-go. Often they were used as threatening objects. “Stay away from those rain-bearing clouds”, advises a mom to her kids. In other instances, the dark clouds used to stand for everything related to gloom and sadness in this world. Damn those clouds again!!! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">Instances galore where clouds have also been the object of hatred and have been vilified to the hilt. Clouds ruin your nice walk in the morning, ruin your easy travel across the city, send water right in to your living room and destroy your plans to have a nice football match. Damn those clouds again!!! In an ironical sense, clouds were blamed for being there and at the same time not being there. How are we going to survive this year without good monsoons? How are we going to manage the paucity of water this year? Why is it not raining today so that the school declares a holiday? Damn those clouds again!!!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">A world of no clouds was considered the object of nature’s beauty although it left us all sweat in this sweltering heat. The blame was placed on the sun and never once on the lack of clouds to protect us from the sun. A beautiful day for cricket was described as one which had clear blue skies implying the lack of clouds although it left players complaining about the heat. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">Clouds stood for everything that is abnormal to the status quo. Don’t you worry it’s just a passing cloud. Clouds stood for everything that’s fleeting and never appealed to a stable pacified peaceful mind. All through my life, I have not seen any other object that has been mocked at, looked down upon so much. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">Fast forward to today. Clouds are the in-thing to be in now thanks to the new craze <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Cloud Computing</b>. Microsoft, IBM, Google, Amazon they are all there, trying to outdo one other in launching cloud computing applications. Clouds have a new meaning now, they are now an object of reverence, an object of comfort and more importantly an object of low-cost. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">Cloud computing</span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"> is Internet-based computing, whereby shared resources, software, and information are provided to computers and other devices on demand. Cloud computing is a better way to run your business. Instead of running your apps yourself, they run on a shared data center. When you use any app that runs in the cloud, you just log in, customize it, and start using it. That’s the power of cloud computing. Cloud computing is a simple idea that also reduces what you pay. One doesn’t need to invest on servers, software or other IT resources. When you run on cloud, you don’t buy anything. </span></div><br />
<span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Palatino Linotype","serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">So, all that has technology done for the common good of people, it has also saved the face of Varuna Bhagavan. Clouds are no more associated to the virtual world; they are now the face of our lives. Everything is transported to the cloud, as the matrix world now becomes the real life. So the next time you hear someone saying “I’m on cloud nine” Stop back and think. He might really be residing there!!!</span></div>Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-89239193916864241852011-11-24T06:20:00.000-08:002011-11-24T08:13:46.812-08:00Why this kolaveri on mee?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Sigh..sigh..what's with all these weirdos around me..bloody fools..condescending looks all the bloody time as if i am from an alien land..how did you survive then? ada asamandhamgala, how many times to tell..i dont know i dont know..still the same question every alternate day - hindi nahi jaante? And all the people around laugh till they get blisters on their stomach..<br />
<br />
(Reminds me of bloody hindi movies where the villain mocks the chained hero for not knowing his mom's name..Goons all around are paid to laugh at this pathetic joke, in return all they get is a biriyani packet for lunch for their oscar winning performaces..bloody asols..atleast our movies have long come out of this foolish syndrome and are investing their time in trying to make a 50 year old rajni date a 20 yr old deepika with elan and charisma..learn from us)<br />
<br />
Having had enough of being the laughing stock, practised in front of mirror thrice, kept an alarm at 3 in the morning to see if i remember twice, also in the loo once, with great difficulty memorized hindi nahi aathi (puked the first few times it came out of my mouth, still perseverance thambi perseverance)..<br />
<br />
Determined to use it the next time anyone laughs at me, i went in front of the biggest gang and stood right in the middle..Made sure there were hot gals in there, so the moment i give him the reply he will be so embarassed that he will have nowhere to go except leave the college and hide in his house loo for the next 3 years..Ofcourse the girls will also be so smartly impressed with quick wit, that i will be surrounded by a lot of them running after me like in Axe advert..I was mentally prepared for that, used all variants of Axe..(in over enthusiasm had used a little bit of Baygon as well)<br />
<br />
Hindi nahi aati - I said aloud and was mentally preparing myself for the rush of gals (hugs..kissess...oh oh enuf for the day)..How are you telling this in hindi then??? (phatt..phatt..bloody govind was the one..i know it was him oly..bloody south indian who knows hindi due to the event of living in bangalore..sure he would have been handling US calls in fake english accent before he came here, do people in that city do anything else?..Oly south indians are against south indians, shameless people..)<br />
<br />
Just about the time when my ears started warming up to the continuous laughter, I held my hand against my head and fainted on to the ground..(Our movies have made me strong in coming up with this innovative means of escaping unescapable moments of shame shame puppy shame..Rememberred to pat myself on the back for being street smart once the drama is over)..<br />
<br />
Haha the dumbos fell for this you see..took me to a doctor thinking I was seriously sick..While I was still acting unconscious, I mentally kept a note of who all are making fun, just to take revenge later by giving fake orders in their mess bill (they will suspect the mess people and an ensuing fight between north indians will ensure a field day for depressed souls like me suffering in their combined hegemony)..After a long time, the stupid doctor concluded I had food poisoning and charged 500 rs for that (Govind again joked that it would have been due to the acidic reactions of mixing chowmein and curd..again pearls of laughter..point double noted..) I faked innocence though regarding the payment of money the next day and fainted once more..haha they stopped asking money after that..(brains machi brains)<br />
<br />
More on the travails and travesty of me in an hostile environment later..very hungry now..<br />
<br />
(**brought my chowmein to my room where I can mix how much ever curd i want..Ambrosia!!!)</div>Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1762940519619644847.post-1878530296763273662011-08-26T14:40:00.001-07:002011-08-26T14:40:39.177-07:00How India will reach the No. 0 rankings in Test Cricket!!!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="mbl notesBlogText clearfix"><div>These pathetic lads have lost it 4-0 (looks like my proposal count, not even one turned right)..But how can you lose it so badly to people who make games for others to win..how the hell man?how could you do this to me?I am sure that Fletcher would have spoilt your minds, goddamn englishman..It's like US waging a war against Afghanistan, with Osama as the US general..Why why why???if only you had listened to me..<br />
<br />
Oki captain cool, now listen to this and we can still win the series 4-0 favoring India..it's highly possible, in fact its the only result possible if you follow this 7-point algorithm..<br />
<br />
1. Quickly release a press notice saying India is in favor of the DRS and wants the entire series reviewed..If we lose the toss, quickly call for a DRS..keep repeating step 1, till we win the toss<br />
<br />
2. Wall should start also batting from the non-strikers' end so the ball never crosses it reaches Sehwag (making it impossible for him to get a king pair). Wall can be made of India cements to facilitate N Srinivasan's revenues.<br />
<br />
3. Dravid should make sure he captivates the entire crowd with his 540 ball 12 runs at the end of the day. A hardcore enthusiast will have the over details as Ball #1 Well Left, Ball #2 Ugly left, Ball #3 Well right...Ball #6 Unintentional edge to a single.<br />
<br />
4. After two days of such riveting cricket, we will declare with a huge first innings score of 23. After the english batsmen are ready to play, Dhoni should refuse to bowl unless england agree to declare their first innings at a score of -499.India will enforce the follow-on<br />
<br />
5. India should start bowling with its pace spearheads of Harbhajan Singh and MS Dhoni. Spinners like Sreeshanth, RP Singh and Ishant Sharma will bowl one-change. At this moment, a press conference should be held by the ICC that if 8 runs are not scored of every ball, then its a wicket loss (This move is taken to make test cricket more interesting and in the best interest of the game)<br />
<br />
6. After seeing the pathetic plight of the English team and their inability to compete with India, Dhoni should magnanimously grant England extra runs and fix the target as India needing to get 100 in the second innings with a caveat that whoever scores the runs/doesn't score the runs, it will be added to Sachin's score.<br />
<br />
7. With one ball left to go, and Sachin requiring one run to get to his 100th 100, and with Amit Mishra on strike (runs will be added to Sachin though!!), with the crowd waiting to witness history, both the teams should agree for a draw on the condition that India wins the test match and Sachin gets his 100.<br />
<br />
This is test cricket at its very best!!!Crowd goes berserk and unable to control his joy, seeing his teammate make history, Sourav will remove his shorts from the commentary box and wave it over his head..Smiles and congratulations all around for India, having won a hard-fought series 4-0..Anna Hazare should be invited to break his fast and give the presentation trophy (In the time, Dravid bats Anna Hazare can even hold his fast on the ground)..Indian team will be able to walk off with No. 0 rankings and undisputed kings of cricket (Day Zero is better than Day 1 na, Same logic)<br />
<br />
Daii Dhoni daii, listen to me da..Call a press conference quickly!!!</div></div></div>Manihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15392034190272032612noreply@blogger.com0